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My girlfriend's weight gain


spacemouse08

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I have a preference for women with a bit of extra weight. My girlfriend of six months was 5 foot 7 and 75kg when I last saw her in mid December before I went away overseas for a month and a half. She has never been happy with her weight or appearance, no matter how many times I tell her she is beautiful and I love her appearance. She constantly wants to go to the gym and lose weight, something that really fills me with dread because I feel like I will lose the girl I am beginning to love.

Over Christmas and the holidays at home she has gained some weight, like everyone does. She has told me about a week ago she had gained about 3kg and was getting concerned. Just today she has said she has put on more. By her words, if she ever gets above 80kg she will ‘freak out’, and by the sounds of it she is getting close. The idea of her being 80kg is one that I really like. It turns me on, it excites me, and I would love it if she weighed that, or even more. And I hate myself for that. How can something that fills her with so much dread fill me with such excitement and happiness? Am I some kind of monster? How can I claim to like her and care for her and want her to be happy when the very thing I want most is something that would make her deeply upset?

I love the fact she has gained weight. I LOVE IT. Part of me wants to tell her this. But then what if she finds it weird? What if she decides to end things as a result? She has told me she is going to start going to the gym before I get back and now I’m freaking out because I really really REALLY don’t want her to, I want her to keep the weight, it would make me so happy, but it would make her so unhappy, and that is so messed up!

I really don’t know what to do. Why am I like this. I want to tell her about my preferences, I want her to gain weight, but in all likelihood if I tell her that she may break up with me and I will lose the best thing that has ever happened to me because of a few stupid kilograms. But my mind wants those kilograms, and more, so much. I love everything about her, her personality, her laugh, how she makes me smile even when I'm in my darkest moods..... But this purely physical aspect is weighing on my mind. I am at a loss. I know someone here will have been in a similar situation... I don't know what to do.

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Part of me wants to tell her this.

I stopped reading here.

You go and tell her now.. right now go do it. Or well, when it is convenient to do so.

Honestly this is the time to tell her and no other time will do. She will think it is weird, it is your job to reassure her. The pro tip for this is to be extremely confident about it - after all it is what it is and your likes aren't going to change. If she isn't cool with it, then stop wasting your time and hers as this will be an endless source of friction. But give her time - girls don't fall in love with their body overnight.

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It would be one thing if you had already told her your preferences, and I thought you had until I read 3 paragraphs in. Listen if you don't tell her likely your relationship will end just with the differences I'm reading here. Likely however this isn't a girl you will likely marry so in the end it may end regardless of what you say so you need to be willing to take chances while your young.

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You need to be honest with her. You also need to accept that it's unlikely she's going to turn around and be a happy gainer if she really hates being plump.

Regardless of her reaction, keeping this a secret is toxic. I feel for you because I would love for my husband to get chubbier but he hates having any extra weight on him. The reason it doesn't bother me that much, though, is that I'm honest with him, I can fantasize about it and he knows the thought turns me on. It's OK that he doesn't actually gain. I hope you can get to a similar place with your gf, or who knows, maybe she will have a change of heart! I used to be absolutely horrified at the thought of getting fat. I couldn't even contemplate it. Now I love when my husband digs his hands into my fat belly and calls me a piggy. People are interesting creatures.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'll be honest.

You definitely are not some kind of monster for liking her weight, but clearly her not happy is a problem, again though - nothing wrong with what you like.

Clearly, it's simple: you need to tell her that you like it, she might even start liking it herself, or just agree to thats nice you told me but i'm still not happy with the way I look.

What ever the answer, you need to tell her. If she thinks it's weird then you (sorry if this sounds harsh) need to forget about her if she wants to pack her bags over that, thats outrageous. Clearly, I don't think she will, but if she shows that much hate towards her size, she clearly feels bad and probably wouldn't go anywhere else with it, but it would most likely help her to accept herself and maybe even change her mind, so do it dude.

Obviously, we are all advising but we aren't you, and if you really don't want to tell her, don't.

Just commented on another thread, telling my girlfriend had a little pot belly (very little) when I got with her, she was 9 stone. I wasn't going to tell her anything, but as soon as she mentioned the gym a few months later I fessed up, and she didn't think it was weird at all, and respected me for telling her. She's not gaining on purpose, but 4 years down the line she's put on 2 stone and looks so good for it, unfortunately she doesn't want to be much chubbier/fat, but I think if she accidentally got there she wouldn't notice, and wouldn't do anything about it. Her belly has got a lot rounder after the holidays, and I pointed that out to her, and she said "really?" and didn't give a damn haha. She knows I like it, so she doesn't mind.

Let us know what you decide to do, it would be nice to hear.

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Thanks for the replies, an update for anyone who's interested -

Last week, I finally got back to her after over a month away from her. She told me that from the time she was complaining to when I saw her she has been on a diet and got herself down to 77kg, but she has not gone to the gym. I told her I liked that she hadn't gone to the gym and she was slightly surprised at that. She asked why and I half-confessed... Basically I've told her that I absolutely love her body as it is. I told her I don't think she needs to lose weight, and also mentioned I wouldn't mind if she even put a bit on. I didn't tell her that I actually wanted that to happen though. She seemed to take what I told her well...

Being so long away from each other I've spent pretty much the entire week I've been back, with her. Over that week we have eaten quite a lot together, which is partly (okay, mostly) my fault. I love eating myself but more importantly I love watching her eat. She loves her food too which certainly helps, and so we have been going out a lot and cooking quite large meals. I haven't noticed any further change in her weight as yet, and neither has she it seems, but there have been some situations that have happened that I've enjoyed...

1) She was feeling stressed after work one evening and so I offered to give her a back massage. After doing so, I half-jokingly offered to give her a belly rub too, and that I could turn the lights off if she felt self-conscious. She is usually extremely low on confidence, but to my surprise agreed to this, and it was amazing. Usually we only do stuff like this in the dark so it was the first time I'd actually seen her; I told her how much I liked her body and she was so happy, as no one had ever said that about her.

2) We had just had a huge dinner and we were sitting on the couch watching tv, her head in my lap. Right in front of me she apologized before unbuttoning the shorts she had on, which I could see had been cutting in her stomach quite a bit, as she let out a huge sigh of relief. I found it so hot but didn't tell her, and had to try hide my arousal from her. It was a bit of a shock, but I guess it shows the increased confidence she seems to have gotten from me telling her she liked her body.

3) Just this morning we were talking about her boobs, which she thinks are quite small, but I don't mind. As a joke I suggested she gain weight to try make them bigger, and instead of shying away from the idea, she actually seem to contemplate it, which really made my mind race.... I'm not gonna push her on this though, I feel like that would be pushing my luck.

Safe to say things are looking up, she has so much more confidence with me now, letting me touch her stomach even when she's full, lying on top of me and just letting me see more of her body then she used to, and the improvement seems to have stemmed from when I told her just how much I liked how she looked. I'm not sure what I want from this point on... I would love a few extra kgs on her and it seems like that idea wouldn't terrify her as much as it used to... But we are at such a good point right now that I'm really not sure if I should push it... Who knows what will happen, all I know is I love what is happening right now.

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This all probably very new for her and I imagine she is trying things out to see if she likes it and how you respond. I would say support her initiative, but don't push her, give her space and have patience until she becomes comfortable - then you can maybe push the boat out a little further.

Sounds like you are doing a good job anyway, so good luck to you sir.

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Things are going well for you and your girlfriend and I'm sure it will continue.

The way you are with her will increase her confidence and being more confident she'll let herself enjoying life and its pleasure, including food as she likes food.

Up till now she was mainly under pressure of media and society, that's why she wanted to loose weight, but nos she'll change.

In fact, she reminds me by own girl friend, now wife, who still pays attention to her body but is no more obsessed to be thin and slim.

As regards gym, I'm of the view that she can go, gaining weight and working out is a good combo for a perfect body !

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Today, she weighed herself, and she is now up to 79kg. She told me this but funnily enough she seemed alright about it. She said she felt her butt was bigger which is something she really wants and so doesn't mind that she has put on some weight. She even said she would be open to a bit more.... I'm so happy right now.

As regards gym, I'm of the view that she can go, gaining weight and working out is a good combo for a perfect body !

Hmmm... I had never thought of it that way. My thinking had been if she had gone she would just lose weight. But I guess it doesn't have to mean that....

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Guest myownway

Hmmm... I had never thought of it that way. My thinking had been if she had gone she would just lose weight. But I guess it doesn't have to mean that....

Exercise usally made my wife hungry and I think she often ate much more calories than she burnt. Obviously, exercises increase the overall metabolic rate during the whole day, but I don't think it made up for it. Ah, the good old times...

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  • 2 weeks later...

She hit 80kg the other day, which she was fine about. However, later that day, she tried on some pants that had fit a couple months ago, and found she could no longer fit them on. This caused her to freak out a bit and she now wants to lose weight and get down to where she originally was. I told her I liked the extra weight and think she looked better with it, but that I understood if she wanted to go ahead with it because she needs to be happy too. So it looks like she'll be losing the weight and that's just something I'll have to deal with. It was nice while it lasted, but I have realized over the last few weeks that there are some things that are important than her weight.. And I guess I'm willing to give that up. I still hold hope for some future weight gain perhaps, but it would seem that its not gonna happen anytime soon...

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Reminds me a bit about my wife. But she never like her fat.

After moving together and her quitting to smoke she plumped up quite nicely and even her biggest pants was getting tight. She always said "I am not able to loose anyway and diet makes no sense".

Then from one day of the other she started weight watchers and lost 15kg.

That was really hard for me and to be honest a serious drop on the attraction. Sure there are other important things in a relationship but if you like curves you are not as much aroused when they are gone. That is a matter of fact.

In the following 2 years, I spontaneously identified during the summer holidays a new belly role again. She never got down to the -15kg but she slowly growed and started again eating wrong and too much.

After a pregnancy she tried weight watchers again, but currently she gained a bit (looks like ) instead of loosing and now eats more than before and calls herself plump.

Difficult to look in her brain but thinking of her hating the fat belly and then complaining about only having 1,5% fat yogurt instead 10% fat yogurt in the fridge, makes me laughing. Makes no sense at all.

Or ordering big pizzas instead of small ones. Eating chips and in the same minute telling me how fat she got.

So you just need to wait, typically the  pounds come back. Only make sure she will do not too much running :)

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Guest LovesFatBabes

I'm sorry, but with all due respect, I, as a feminist and a firm believer in the equality of all genders, sexes and basic sexual orientations, find what you are doing frankly, well, for lack of more diplomatic wording, immoral. Now, obviously, I can't tell you what to do any more than you can tell her what to do because it's her body and her life: Sexual coercion - including "talking her/him/[insert pronoun for a person of any of the other sexes/genders] into it" is not only degrading but infringes upon another's rights: How would you feel if someone aggressively tried to get you to entertain any sexual practice or lifestyle that you didn't want?

Honestly, I don't get why any feeder in your situation wouldn't just get a willing feedee?

I know I got upset there, and I'm sorry if I caused unnecessary or unproductive suffering.

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I'm sorry, I don't see how anything I have done is immoral. Sure, I have told her that I enjoy the extra weight on her and find her more attractive for it, and I also mentioned I wouldn't mind more, but I have never made her do anything she doesn't want to. We had just been enjoying ourselves, and yes some weight was put on, but since she has told me she wants to drop back down I have not tried to convince her otherwise, it is her body and she is free to do what she pleases. I agree with you that it should be her choice, but I am in no way coercing her in to doing something she doesn't want to. I am in no way 'aggressive' to her about it, and I never will be. She is free to be whatever weight she likes, be it heavier, lighter, or the same, and I will still be happy with her. She knows this. So please, don't just assume.

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  • 4 weeks later...
Guest Phd281

I'm sorry

There is nothing to apologize for, frankly from what you've said about the relationship your in it would seem to me that this is just the beginning stages of a relationship; once you are more intimate with each other you wont need to have fun just with the lights off. Even though you say your gf is going to lose weight it's not the end of the world.

If the opportunity ever arises again where your gf isn't mad or sad, just confess whats in your thoughts, because although you said you like her now even with the weight, she doesn't truly know if your just being nice or if you actually do. You'll feel better about mentioning it, she will feel as if you were more open and intimate things will likely be better. 

Even though your gf has been with you 6+ months she seems to not have gotten used to her belly being touched, this can be fixed not just in the bedroom, but in general cozy settings. Don't even ask, if your snuggling together just reach around and start rubbing/massaging (whatever) her belly if you find that odd you can even start running your hand down her back; the first few times she may protest, just make up some excuse like you didn't realize you were doing it but that it feels nice.

Eventually she will get used to it, and quite possibly even ask for you to place your hand in that area.

This can be used for other areas of the body as well. Sure you may currently be inclined to ask to touch her belly for a belly rub, but if you've already had sex with her then privately you shouldn't need to ask, just like she doesn't need to ask if she wants to touch your body.

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An update for any that are interested -

Her freak-out phase didn't last long. She still never went back to the gym, but she did go on a diet of sorts, but only lost back down to 78kg. In the weeks since we slowly slipped back into our normal eating habits. Over time I have noticed boobs, belly and butt getting bigger again and so has she. I have been telling her how attractive I've found this and she seems to be believing it more than she used to. The other day she told me that my words were starting to have an effect on her, in that she was finally beginning to almost like the way she looked. She has had body and confidence issues for years, so this is music to my ears.

She hasn't weighed herself in a couple of weeks; the last time she did she was 79.7kg. I have noticed a gain since then, so I'm excited to see what she could be now. However, I'm nervous that when she does weigh herself again, and potentially see an 80+ number, she will have another freakout and that this will undo all the work I have doing in trying to get her see her body in a more positive light. So I'm looking forward to the next weigh in but I'm also extremely nervous.

At this point in time we are in a really good place, she is happy, and I am loving the changes I'm seeing in her body. She's getting close to what I think is the perfect size and things in the bedroom are better than ever. All I hope is that it continues in this way for as long as possible...

it would seem to me that this is just the beginning stages of a relationship; once you are more intimate with each other you wont need to have fun just with the lights off. Even though you say your gf is going to lose weight it's not the end of the world.

Even though your gf has been with you 6+ months she seems to not have gotten used to her belly being touched, this can be fixed not just in the bedroom, but in general cozy settings. Don't even ask, if your snuggling together just reach around and start rubbing/massaging (whatever) her belly if you find that odd you can even start running your hand down her back; the first few times she may protest, just make up some excuse like you didn't realize you were doing it but that it feels nice.

Eventually she will get used to it, and quite possibly even ask for you to place your hand in that area.

This can be used for other areas of the body as well. Sure you may currently be inclined to ask to touch her belly for a belly rub, but if you've already had sex with her then privately you shouldn't need to ask, just like she doesn't need to ask if she wants to touch your body.

Over time I have made some progress here too, in that she is comfortable with the lights on. She also has no qualms about me touching her belly, both in and out of the bedroom. She doesn't find it odd I don't think. The only time she will get nervous about it now is when she is sitting upright and her stomach forms a few rolls - something that really turns me on. I've made some progress here though too; I have tried to reinforce to her that I like her body even like this, and she is slowly becoming more comfortable with it, allowing me to look and feel the rolls, which is something I thought she'd never let me do! I'm loving the increased confidence she is getting and just hope it continues.

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She weighed herself this morning.

She has gone up to 82.2kg.

Obviously, I was very happy to hear this, I found it quite arousing.

Initially she freaked out. She called herself fat, she's put on too much, it's the end of the world etc. However after a couple minutes of me reassuring her, and telling her I was still attracted to her physically, perhaps even more so now, she calmed down. I pointed out how nearly all of it had gone to her boobs and butt, which obviously she felt good about.  She said herself her tummy doesn't feel all that bigger, but I have noticed a slight difference there and love it. I didn't mention this change however.

The amazing thing is, not even an hour later, she was happy again, she seemed to have come to terms with her current weight, and that I really find out attractive. She was even already asking for McDonalds!

I'm really excited right now. She has broken the 80kg barrier and seems to have accepted it... for now. Let's hope it continues...

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Guest Phd281

Yeah glad things are going good with her confidence, positive reassurance is always great especially when you mean it. I will just say that eventually she probably will get to your peak weight you want her to be at, but don't say anything if she gains more then that. Just keep the positive vibes going, eventually she will reach some level  where her gain stabilizes probably at 87-90k it will do this.

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Easter has been very good to us. We went away for the long weekend, and ate a lot of good, filling food. We also did a lot of exercise such as hikes and the like, but it didn't come close to making up for the amount of food we ate. She weighed herself this morning to find she was now 84.6kg.

The weight is really piling on a bit now and I'm loving it. Clothes are tighter, especially around her boobs and belly. She is also more accepting of it it seems, telling me she's really beginning to like how she looks. Her larger boobs are distracting her from how much bigger the rest of her is getting. There haven't been any comments from others yet, but I feel like they may come soon. Her work pants dig into her belly and the outline can be seen underneath her shirt, it's one of the hottest things!

Yeah glad things are going good with her confidence, positive reassurance is always great especially when you mean it. I will just say that eventually she probably will get to your peak weight you want her to be at, but don't say anything if she gains more then that. Just keep the positive vibes going, eventually she will reach some level  where her gain stabilizes probably at 87-90k it will do this.

My reassurance definitely seems to be helping her a lot, and it is indeed entirely heartfelt. Its such a difference to her, as her last boyfriend was always trying to get her to lose weight, something she absolutely hated. She loves her food to much to ever get enough motivation to diet and lose weight.

As for a peak weight I want her at, I'm beginning to think she is reaching that point. If she does stabilize at 87-90kg I think for me that would be perfect. She did say today that if she ever got to 90kg she would 'freak out', but this is something she used to say about 80kg, and she has blasted right past that! So who knows where it'll go. I won't mind if she goes past 90kg.. I am attracted to a wide variety of sizes, so I think my peak for her would be a lot more than that, however I know she would be very against the idea of going past 90kg, so I think my aim for now is for her to reach 87-90kg. However, I intend to enjoy the journey to that point, it has certainly been a blast so far!

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You are on a really good journey both of you. She loves food and she enjoy it, that's good, and doing a lot of exercise will help her keeping a healthy body. Of course, at each step like 70 kg, 80 kg, may be 90 kg she'll question herself about her weight gain but the important is that she feel well and confident and your attitude towards her is important for that. All the best for you !

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  • 4 weeks later...

Over the last few weeks she has stabilised at 85kg, and she is looking amazing. She had a doctors appointment where they discovered that over the last year she has put on 10kg, most of that coming since January. She has made mentions about wanting to lose some weight, but seems to lack the motivation or effort to actually do it. She says she should cut down on takeaways on the like, but a couple hours will be craving McDonalds or an Indian or the like. So the weight stays as it is, and I love it.

One of the things that is annoying her the most, and making her want to lose weight, is the fact that all her clothes are getting tight. A lot of her tops no longer fit around her quite larger tummy. If she does have a bit of a freak out about her weight, it stems from an occurrence like this. But she still has no effort to make them fit again, which I'm not going to complain about!

For example, today she put on her work uniform, and her shirt looked tighter than ever, with the bottom button around her tummy visibly straining. It even slipped out the hole when she stretched to get something, which I loved but she didn't. So from here I'm not sure where her weight is going to go, but I really hope its upward!

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