Trying to understand

[Serfontein]

You're going to have to talk more with your partner about this because "liking larger girls" has an innumerable amount of definitions in a community like this. To some, "larger girls" means Kim Kardashian. To others, "larger girls" means someone who is heavy enough to be nearly immobile.

Just want to pick up on this point, in my case and perhaps generally I tend to look at women online who are much bigger than I would go for in real life(maybe because I've never seen a really pretty huge girl - I don't know). They tend to look smaller in photos or maybe we tend to get conditioned to it a bit and the woman/pictures we look at just get progressively bigger.

I'm just throwing this point out for when you talk to him and he maybe says he only likes kinda big girls but you've seen his pictures and they are all of really big girls. Just because it can be confusing and if he does say that he probably is being honest.

Might be lots of mistakes in that text - getting pretty late here.

[Guest Phd281]

How can fatness be fun when it is truly unhealthy?

How did this not look fun?

Fat is a necessary part of the body, but besides the obvious; the key is having physical fitness. When you see a chubby bunny, cat, or dog "Most" people think those animals look CUTE. The same can be said for some people who see chubby or fat ladies and think they too look !Cute!

[Guest myownway]

That's even worse! It mistakes the meaning of a fetish entirely, and posits a non-existent separation between the two that is entirely demeaning. A fetishist's sexual desires aren't more base, undiscerning, emotionless or inhuman than anyone else's - the desire is exactly the same, the need for 'peripheral' features such as beauty and personality is still the same. It's just that what the sexual desire is directed at deviates from the norm and constitutes the bulk of what gets a person off. And if you're on this site, then it's fat.

This whole 'Blah blah look at me, I'm-so-open-minded, women aren't just objects, I admire beauty in many forms, fat is just one of many things I can appreciate in a woman, I like long walks along the beach and I cried during The Notebook blah blah' schtick doesn't change the fact that you still have a fetish. Sexual fetishes aren't some two-dimensional reduction of normal sexual desire that don't require emotion, aesthetic beauty or other sensual pleasures. But I shouldn't even have to tell you this, because you're a fetishist too.

Hey, I did mention that it may be invalid, right?

The thing is, semantics aside, that's the kind of differentiation I came across online once and it made sense to me. Especially since I often saw exactly those two types of people online - ones that are, basically, aroused by body parts (they can consider the woman having those as ugly, but as long as she has a given body part the way they like it, they are getting turned on) and those of the other type who, despite being fixated on some aspect, are more holistic. I'm not sure how those two types of behaviour should be named and which of them can be called a fetish, but I'm quite sure those two types exist.

Am I the only one that thinks the OP is not a "tall, athletic woman"!?

I had that thought as well, but for now the discussion seems to remain outside the boundaries of the Troll kingdom .

[pin-up goblin]

People like what they like okay? Don't be a jerk about it and say, "But those people are so unhealthy!" A) You don't know that.  You're just spewing back the bullshit society has fed you that fat automatically is unhealthy and you will drop at any minute from a plethora of diseases because of it. Even if that is the cause, which it isn't, but even if it was, how the fuck is it your business? Don't body shame someone based on their looks, especially if you have been in the past. It makes you sound like a bitch. Anybody's diet and exercise regime is not your business. Anybody's health is not your business. The only person that you have to worry about regarding that stuff is yourself. Besides, you can't tell a person's health just by looking at them. Some people are naturally thin and can eat whatever and some are naturally fat and it doesn't matter what they do, they will be fat. You aren't a doctor or a mental health professional so don't tell people what is healthy or not because you don't know shit. Just understand that you can't understand why people like what they like okay? You can't change people and don't try, otherwise you're an asshole. He isn't harming anyone. I don't count you because hurting your little feelings is what many fat women have to go through in the straight world.

[vennie]

Les Goblin has spoken lol

[pin-up goblin]

Les Goblin has spoken lol

Hey Vennie. <3

I couldn't help myself. Bishes gots to learn.

[Jam]

Hello.... I am serenity. I am a tall very athletic woman who recently discovered that her significant other is into larger girls. As an athletic girl I am very perplexed as to what my significant other sees in larger females. Visiting sites where women with obese belts eat food to me is hard to grasp. Why is reality so far from fantasy? Looking for advice to understand this fetish.

What do you mean by "reality so far from fantasy?"

This is going to be a lot, but I want to try to help you understand it as best as possible, so if you are really hoping to get something out of this topic, I encourage you to read it all carefully.

Let's start on the health side of things... You will find a lot of different perspectives here, because as other people pointed out, this isn't just one particular interest but a category of interests surrounding women of above average weight, which by today's culture is not considered "normal" since today's culture views attraction based on what they see as signs of health.  I'm not a doctor but I am a scientist.  It's true there are increased health risks associated with being fat, but being fat does not condemn you to those health risks by any means, nor does being athletic save you entirely from those risks. Things like diabetes, and heart problems are influenced a lot more by genetics (not to mention other life choices) than by body fat content, except perhaps high cholesterol, though genetics contributes to that as well.  As much as one can try to make themselves healthy by eating right and all that, you are stuck with the genetics you are born with one way or another.  Also, its worth to note, that being athletic is associated with its own health risks including problems with tendons, blood clots, and tearing muscle & tissue, to name a few.  The way body fat and other things factor into one's health is a very complex topic.  It is much more complicated than just "athleticism is healthy," "fat is unhealthy."

If you want anecdotal evidence (which is all I'm willing to offer right now since I'd rather not dig up peer reviewed papers on the subject at 1am, since I doubt anyone would read those anyways), the only diabetic I have ever met in person was thin as they get, and in all my years in communities like this, I have never once come across anyone that has had diabetes or heart problems as a result of their weight gain/fat fetish/preference.  (I may have an observation bias, as I'm not interested in immobilization, and you may get more of that there, but that to me is a fairly extreme case.)  The vast majority of women you will meet here are fat, happy (at least with their body), and healthy (aside from other unrelated issues, like depression for example).  Correct me if I'm wrong (please do, if anyone has evidence to the contrary), but this has been my general impression during my time spent in this community.

That being said, trying to rationalize something that is an instinctual desire, something you are born with or something that develops with your sexuality in a way you can't control, is kind of besides the point.  Your question, which seems to be the crux of your troubles, is "what my significant other sees in larger females," implies that these desires have reasons, which they do not.  Sure you can perhaps make some arguments about evolution and your brain being wired to want to reproduce with someone healthy, but obviously the brain deviates from that quite a lot, so its inconsequential what the human mind is attracted to on average.  Deviations are deviations.  Your significant other sees what he likes and likes what he sees in larger females, be it fat, weight gain, shape, belly, or whatever.  It is as simple as that.  There is no more rationality to it than that. 

He sees or feels it or thinks about it, and his brain responds with endorphins and other hormones without any additional conscious action.  That is the answer to your question.  It probably wasn't the answer you were looking for, and I know it's hard to understand something like this without having anything similar.  You'll just have to accept the fact that everyone's brain responds to stimuli differently, and that includes sexual attraction.  I hope this helps.

[Serfontein]

People like what they like okay? Don't be a jerk about it and say, "But those people are so unhealthy!" A) You don't know that.  You're just spewing back the bullshit society has fed you that fat automatically is unhealthy and you will drop at any minute from a plethora of diseases because of it. Even if that is the cause, which it isn't, but even if it was, how the fuck is it your business? Don't body shame someone based on their looks, especially if you have been in the past. It makes you sound like a bitch. Anybody's diet and exercise regime is not your business. Anybody's health is not your business. The only person that you have to worry about regarding that stuff is yourself. Besides, you can't tell a person's health just by looking at them. Some people are naturally thin and can eat whatever and some are naturally fat and it doesn't matter what they do, they will be fat. You aren't a doctor or a mental health professional so don't tell people what is healthy or not because you don't know shit. Just understand that you can't understand why people like what they like okay? You can't change people and don't try, otherwise you're an asshole. He isn't harming anyone. I don't count you because hurting your little feelings is what many fat women have to go through in the straight world.

A few years back, I was at the gym and went up the stairs to get on my favourite running machine. I went up and there was this really big guy on it 300lbs +. I thought well, he won't be on it long so I'll hop on the running machine beside him and wait it out. He ran for over an hour at full pelt. I only ran for 30min and a couple minutes walking at the start.

Can't judge a book by it's cover.

[Batman]

I think that is were the confusion lies. How can fatness be fun when it is truly unhealthy? I'm not saying you have to be a size zero but to me it's more about being healthy and following that lifestyle. Glamorizing something that is unhealthy is why I am confused. Yes being skinny can be unhealthy too. I am simply athletic. Just wondering why the fantasy and reality are so far apart?

[Guest MUSEic]

I'm assuming that your boyfriend is a member of this site. If so who and how did you find out? That might give us more insight into some of the deeper issues at play here.

[sbu]

Goblin is right, being fat isn't necessarily unhealthy but people who make money out if it, will tell you otherwise. In the past, being fat ment being wealthy. Less than 100 years ago that changed. It's not a status symbol anymore. Instead, being skinny is, because of the availability of cheap calories.

You may haven't noticed but there a men who are actually attracted to female body builders. That doesn't even remotely make any sense to me.

Anyways, here is an explanation why hungry men are more attracted to larger women. ;-)

[Duke Nukem]

ORLY?

He could still be tall... 

[seeker]

Serenity, if you haven't already, I'd say ask your boyfriend why he likes it. Probably everybody here has a different "origin story" or reason for likening it. To each their own

[seadoospray]

Serenity,

I honestly believe the fetish has more to do with the polar opposite physicality of men and women. What I mean by that is, men are typically and naturally more muscular and therefore physically firmer than women are. A thick, soft curvy woman is the opposite of that. Not saying athleticism isn't attractive by any means, but that's just how I relate to the fetish. Not to be cliche, but it's an "opposites attract" kind of thing...at least in my experiences.

[Steviehull]

I wondered how long it would be before we had the "but fat is not unhealthy , my friend is fat and he/she is much fitter than me."

My grandfather smoked like a chimney and lived until he was 96 but I would still say smoking is unhealthy.

Too many people in here are desperate to deny the facts that being fat is more likely to be unhealthy than not. There will always be exceptions but to attempt to suggest that medical science has got it all wrong is laughable in the extreme.

I prefer curvier, chubbier , chunkier (call it gets you want ) women. I don't feel I have to justify it by denying what 99.9% of medical research has proved.

Re: is it a fetish? Definition is "an object regarded in awe as being embodiment or habitation of potent spirit or having magical potency."

Open to interpretation thus rendering debate of 'finding out who is right' fairly pointless.

[vennie]

It's all about risk.

Fat in itself is not unhealthy. By being fat you simply increase the risk of having some sort of condition.

But what people tend to forget is that your total risk factors in more than just your risk caused by weight. Look at it like this:

[Total risk] = [weight] x [lifestyle] x [food] x [activities] x [genetics] x [etc] x [etc]

While a fat person may have increased his or hers risk in the weight factor, he may have a comparably lower risk in the food factor (vegan fat chicks?) making the total risk the same to a thinner person eating badly.

Ofcourse, each factor has a certain weight to it aswell, making certain factors more important than others.

What those are, I don't know. But I believe that that's where the real discussion lies. Is lifestyle a more determining factor for your risk than, say, weight?

I believe the medical field is slowly determining that lifestyle is more important than weight That's not to say weight is not a big factor in your risk, but it goes to show people shouldn't base their conclusions about someone's health just on their weight.

[Steviehull]

It's all about risk.

Fat in itself is not unhealthy. By being fat you simply increase the risk of having some sort of condition.

But what people tend to forget is that your total risk factors in more than just your risk caused by weight. Look at it like this:

[Total risk] = [weight] x [lifestyle] x [food] x [activities] x [genetics] x [etc] x [etc]

While a fat person may have increased his or hers risk in the weight factor, he may have a comparably lower risk in the food factor (vegan fat chicks?) making the total risk the same to a thinner person eating badly.

Ofcourse, each factor has a certain weight to it aswell, making certain factors more important than others.

What those are, I don't know. But I believe that that's where the real discussion lies. Is lifestyle a more determining factor for your risk than, say, weight?

I believe the medical field is slowly determining that lifestyle is more important than weight That's not to say weight is not a big factor in your risk, but it goes to show people shouldn't base their conclusions about someone's health just on their weight.

Agree, I would never say that fat is the only factor that determines health. Of course not. As you say there are many risk factors but the higher up the ladder someone is on any of those the greater the risk on health. Therefore someone at 400 lbs is a considerably higher risk than someone at 200 lbs assuming they were equal on other risk factors. This takes us back to the earlier discussion. If one adds smoking, amount of sleep and genetics to name just three, as risk factors and one assumes that a woman who starts at 140 lbs decides to gain to 240, without increasing exercise, having the same amount of sleep and not taking up smoking, then it follows that her fat increase is substantially impacting her health (her genetics of course no better or worse).

It is this piece that those outside FA community, perhaps including the OP find most difficult to comprehend.

[wilan]

Re: is it a fetish? Definition is "an object regarded in awe as being embodiment or habitation of potent spirit or having magical potency."

That's only one definition of fetish – and not relevant in this context – but the following is a good definition of a sexual fetish:

"A fetish is a condition in which someone is sexually fixated on an inanimate object, such as high heels or lingerie, or a nongenital body part, and has to touch, rub, smell, or see the object in order to become aroused and climax. Though no one is certain what causes a fetish, it's believed to affect mostly men and likely begins when sexual excitement is inadvertently linked to the object.

Of course, lots of men — and women — are turned on by various parts of the body and things like sexy underwear. But, they don't need them to become aroused, which is what separates an attraction from a fetish.

As long as a person with a fetish (called a fetishist) is still interested in having intimate relations, and he has an understanding and willing partner, the object of desire can be incorporated into their sexual repertoire."

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a309/fetish-start/

[Guest Atlya]

It's all about risk.

Fat in itself is not unhealthy. By being fat you simply increase the risk of having some sort of condition.

But what people tend to forget is that your total risk factors in more than just your risk caused by weight. Look at it like this:

[Total risk] = [weight] x [lifestyle] x [food] x [activities] x [genetics] x [etc] x [etc]

While a fat person may have increased his or hers risk in the weight factor, he may have a comparably lower risk in the food factor (vegan fat chicks?) making the total risk the same to a thinner person eating badly.

Ofcourse, each factor has a certain weight to it aswell, making certain factors more important than others.

What those are, I don't know. But I believe that that's where the real discussion lies. Is lifestyle a more determining factor for your risk than, say, weight?

I believe the medical field is slowly determining that lifestyle is more important than weight That's not to say weight is not a big factor in your risk, but it goes to show people shouldn't base their conclusions about someone's health just on their weight.

This.

People just don't think further than their nose: if someone is fat and someone is thin, the thin one is more healthy. They think and say that without even knowing all there is to know. Considering every characteristics of those two people, the fat one could be totally healthy and the thin one totally not.

Besides, the sole fact of being fat(ter) should not be enough to even speak of risks. It's just that certain behaviours that are encouraging certain risks may indeed also make a certain person fatter.

If you are a fat person with health issues, you will not get healthy by sucking all the fat from your body, that is a silly thing to think, but that is the usual "consensus".

[Steviehull]

This.

People just don't think further than their nose: if someone is fat and someone is thin, the thin one is more healthy. They think and say that without even knowing all there is to know. Considering every characteristics of those two people, the fat one could be totally healthy and the thin one totally not.

Besides, the sole fact of being fat(ter) should not be enough to even speak of risks. It's just that certain behaviours that are encouraging certain risks may indeed also make a certain person fatter.

If you are a fat person with health issues, you will not get healthy by sucking all the fat from your body, that is a silly thing to think, but that is the usual "consensus".

Pretty silly last quote there. This is not the general consensus. What IS the general consensus is that an obese person decreases their risk of heart issues, some cancers and diabetes by reducing their fat %. No guarantees of course and always exceptions .

Likewise someone smoking 20 a day who gives up does not necessarily become healthy but they increase their chances .

Your post started off sensibly alluding to the risks which is correct. Unfortunately you rather veered off track after this and your opinion lost credibility.