I have a hard time showing the public I like larger women. How to?

[cjk05]

I feel like if I acknowledge my desire to be with a curvier woman to my friend base I would be ridiculed. (Sophomore in college btw.) I don't know how I can just go and pursue larger women without being judged by my friends, and it sucks.(Save the you need better friends stuff please.) Has anyone else gone through this that can give out some pointers? Like how to make the people around accept and understand it more easily, or just how to do it with out really making it knowledge for other people? Thanks I'd appreciate it!

[Guest myownway]

The only sensible solution is to do it and not give a shit. You know, like a grown man.

[cjk05]

Thanks, there are a lot of things I have learned to not give a shit about, and I guess this will have to become one of them eventually.

[Guest myownway]

It's easier than you think, especially if you just start dating bigger ladies without any formal declarations of your preference. And when people ask, just talk about it as if it's the most natural thing in the world, like preference for brunettes, redheads or blondes. People can smell shame, and if they don't smell it, the ridicule, if any, will be brief and non-recurrent, because it yields no results then.

[Guest anything4444]

It's easier than you think, especially if you just start dating bigger ladies without any formal declarations of your preference. And when people ask, just talk about it as if it's the most natural thing in the world, like preference for brunettes, redheads or blondes. People can smell shame, and if they don't smell it, the ridicule, if any, will be brief and non-recurrent, because it yields no results then.

^^^ So true! I like the way you put that.

[Guest Phd281]

Ask girls you find attractive out, don't let people put you down for liking a specific girl. If your "Friends" give you any shit then tell them you don't date skinny girls or whatever you want to say, and if they don't get that then just stop talking to them because friends don't make friends feel bad about stupid stuff that doesn't even matter.

In general you don't need to say anything to anyone, honestly there always will be people

[glow=red,2,300]But don't worry Smile and keep on walking cause you have the bae in the end  =D[/glow]

[cjk05]

You guys give great advice thanks!

[Guest mytemp12]

They might judge you.  They might ridicule you.  But if you're not the person who comes along, speaks your mind, and to put it simply, enlightens them, they'll just go on shaming and ridiculing others forever.  It's likely that the real reason they judge and ridicule you is that others taught them to act as such.  You have to reteach them.  Some people are racist until they bond with people of a different ethnicity, some are gay-bashers until they learn their brother is gay, and some shame fat girls until they realize that their buddy really likes them.

People don't always immediately accept things.  You have to push a little.  You have to rip out of your shell and scream, "I exist, and this is who I am, and who I am is just as valid, real, and legitimate as you or anyone else."  You deserve respect, but you can't just slink in and stand in the dark corner.  Be bold, man!

[tknight]

I'm in my third year of university and if there's one thing I've learned from being in university, it's that everybody has their "thing". Look at all the other stuff out there; people are gay, transsexual, into bdsm, etc. Those things are talked about more in popular culture, but they aren't any different than to your liking of bigger women. When you stack up your liking bigger women to all the other stuff out there it stops seeming like such a big deal.

I think the best advice I've seen here so far, if you're not into taking the direct approach, would be to simply start dating bigger girls. People will eventually take notice and get the hint, most probably won't say anything at all, and for those that do...you can simply say you like a girl with curves or whatever and get on with your day. The girl I'm dating now has only a couple extra pounds, and I hang out with a lot of gym nuts who like girls with rock hard bodies, and they've noticed but they honestly haven't said one negative thing. If you see a gay couple walking down the street, you don't go "that's gross" or "that's not right" - you go "hey, that's not for me, but that's what they're into, and if that makes them happy then that's great for them". Most people don't even think anything at all when they see a gay couple walking down the street, I was just trying to make a point. But you get what I'm saying? I think a lot of us build it up into a much bigger deal then it actually is. I wish you luck!

[jakemcduck]

step 1 find a larger woman

step 2 do stuff in public

that's it.

[KFD]

Cutesy gifs aside, why are you seeking validation from your peers on your sexual preference? You like big chicks. Why? You just do. Your friends can't accept that (in a society where being gay isn't the social taboo it was twenty years ago), they are not your friends. I get ribbed on all the time, and in my high school days in the early 2000s, it went from "OH MY GOD, YOU LIKE FAT GIRLS, WHAT A FREAK!!!", to " You like big chicks? Cool, do your thing brah, send her skinny friend my way." Think about it dude, you are the ultimate wingman, or you have an endless supply of friends to pawn that cute smaller friend of hers on to.

[hiro]

When you are young, being accepted by your group of friends is super important. When you get older, your life will be consumed by work and family/dating and your few remaining friends are not going to care who you are with.

If you can find a good person to date, she will be with you for years. The douchebags you hang out with in college are probably not going to do much for you after you graduate. Unless these guys are going to be business partners, in which case you should build your life around impressing them.

[Guest MUSEic]

Why do you need to show the public that you like larger women? Literally no one gives a shit, and the older you get the more you will realize this.

[Guest dayman]

You're treating it as if you have to "come out" about your preference.

You don't.

Just date some fat girls.

When someone asks "why?", just say you like watching a fat ass shake like the ocean from behind^*.

_{*100% real thing a college friend told me once.}

Because you're aware of this community, you're treating it as if it's a bigger issue that it really is. People date fat people all the time. It's really not that big of a deal.

You'd probably get ribbed for it in high school, but come on, it's college. I'm sure plenty of your friends have done some weird shit at this point.

Just when you do introduce your special lady friend to your group, don't be ashamed at all. That would be a dick thing to do to your special lady friend.

[KFD]

Again, you're a grown-ass man. Your buddies' approval isn't giving you sanctuary, the fire in her eyes (or thighs) is. Who cares what she looks like?! Cool as hell has no size boundaries!

...And I'll throw the ubiquitous "college ribbing is nothing compared to the military" jab in here... :

[Duke Nukem]

Anyone who would be critical of you for liking/dating big girls isn't even worth your time or attention in the first place.  I know first-hand that it's hard to not care about what others think- even if they're utter douchebags- but you have to reprogram the way you view things.  It's somewhat human nature to want to be accepted and admired by everybody, but that's rarely if ever the case.  There's always going to be someone somewhere and at sometime who'll give you crap for whatever choice you might make.  Those who truly love, care for, and respect you won't have any problem with how you live your life, providing it's not hurting anyone.

[cenahater5001]

I have this friend who tried hooking me up with this skin and bones brunette and i told him straight up "girls like that do nothing for me, i like heavier girls". He chuckled and seemed legitimately weirded out but understood, which was a bit weird because this friend is like 6 foot 1 270 so youd think he wouldnt prefer the model skinny type, but he does.

[Serfontein]

I see where you're coming from OP, I don't live in a very tolerant place - certainly the least tolerant place I can think of, off the top of my head.

There aren't very many fat people here, but if I do happen to come across one when I'm out I can hear the whispers and mutters and see people staring - they don't even have to be that big. I've had several friends tell me that they just really hate fat people, they didn't know why they just hate seeing them. Just a symptom of an intolerant society I guess.

Well anyway, thank your lucky stars you don't live where I live. To get people to be more accepting of it, it's really down to familiarity. So it's really all down to that hurdle at the start, once you get over that and people realize that's just how it's going to be they'll not question it.

[cjk05]

Unfortunately, Serfontein where you live sounds very similar to where I live because a majority of the people here are very health conscious.

[Ignatius]

I feel like if I acknowledge my desire to be with a curvier woman to my friend base I would be ridiculed. (Sophomore in college btw.) I don't know how I can just go and pursue larger women without being judged by my friends, and it sucks.(Save the you need better friends stuff please.) Has anyone else gone through this that can give out some pointers? Like how to make the people around accept and understand it more easily, or just how to do it with out really making it knowledge for other people? Thanks I'd appreciate it!

Kind of tricky, as making better friends or just dealing with their reactions is the only real answer.

Enjoy not fucking all the cute fat women you'll meet at college (or doing it in secret, which is a real dick move) because you're worried about what your friends think, I guess.

[KFD]

^^^Yep.

So where you live, people are healthy. Cool. So where you live people judge. Cool.

So people where you live make your decisions for you? Not cool.

Be that closet FA that sets size acceptance back ten steps, it's whatever.

If you find that girl that makes your heart beat fast, and makes you weak in the knees, the opinions of strangers have zero bearing on you. You don't find her? You got a half-century or more of living. Enjoy your life, and be fucking awesome, and when you realize people you seem to seek approval of don't really care, you'll be able to find her. You don't have any cjk05able babes around you? Cool. Live your life and be fucking awesome. That will get you out of your rut.

[Guest ACM]

I see where you're coming from OP, I don't live in a very tolerant place - certainly the least tolerant place I can think of, off the top of my head.

There aren't very many fat people here,

Don't you live in Ireland? The closest place to 'Murica on the right side of the Atlantic.

People from here who worked there all came back disgusted about how fat the Irish are.

I have this friend who tried hooking me up with this skin and bones brunette and i told him straight up "girls like that do nothing for me, i like heavier girls". He chuckled and seemed legitimately weirded out but understood, which was a bit weird because this friend is like 6 foot 1 270 so youd think he wouldnt prefer the model skinny type, but he does.

Doesn't work that way. What size one is and what kind of partners you prefer.

I've had several friends tell me that they just really hate fat people, they didn't know why they just hate seeing them. Just a symptom of an intolerant society I guess.

Makes me wonder too. Fat people who don't want to be fat, and are not deluded just make me sad. I know too well what is it to have some part of your behavior out of control. 

Part of it might be disgust. Even though I'm an FA, there are fat people who're just plain disgusting.

I can understand how someone might see all fat people as disgusting, and thus hate them.

[scissortooth]

Part of it might be disgust. Even though I'm an FA, there are fat people who're just plain disgusting.

I can understand how someone might see all fat people as disgusting, and thus hate them.

Well, I cannot. When I see some fat white-trash alcoholic lady with missing teeth and hair that could be used for tar manufacturing, yeah - that disgusts me, but she would still disgust me if she wasn't fat. The reason the people you mention hate fat people is because they associate fatnes with laziness, stinkiness, poor hygiene and other stuff that results directly from stereotypization. And people who fall into taking these stereotypes as real enough to hate people based on them... Well, they're just fucking dumb. Or they heal their own insecurities by bashing others. Either way they can

.

[Guest ACM]

The reason the people you mention hate fat people is because they associate fatnes with laziness, stinkiness, poor hygiene

Yeah. It seems that way. Personally, I think it's more a  matter of addiction than just laziness.

other stuff that results directly from stereotypization

Stereotypes are not universally true, however, they are largely truthful. I can provide link to the paper on that.

[tw71]

For what it's worth? I used to feel the same way. I started dating a big woman back in college and we spent a lot of time together, hanging out at social gatherings where my other friends saw us all the time. At first, I was really uncomfortable with it (especially because some of the guys I considered friends were coming up to me when she wasn't around, asking those questions like "Dude... what's up with you getting together with HER? Are you just doing it out of sympathy?").  And a couple of times while walking down the street in public, past nightclubs or bars, we had idiots screaming "Beached whale!" out of car windows as they drove past us.  Ignorant crap like that ....

She blissfully ignored all of it, but it really bothered me. I mean, it's easy to say "Who cares what everyone else thinks?!", except when you're young and want to make sure you've got a group of friends who think and speak positively about you (not JUST a girlfriend and nobody else who likes you), you DO worry about this stuff.

But at least for me, I think the only thing that really solved it for me was time and experience....  You get older and all of a sudden, you've got things more important in life than just making sure you have a whole "social circle" around you that likes inviting you to things. You start thinking more about what you want for YOURSELF in life, as the people around you come to that same conclusion, start settling down with a partner and not spending so much time doing stuff in groups anymore. Basically, you take charge of your own life's direction a bit more, in the sense that you go out there and do whatever interests you ... and like-minded people will probably be there. You don't have to play this game of "maintaining approval" anymore, because those people quit mattering and started vanishing from your life anyway.

But additionally? Almost ALL the guys I knew from college days who I still knew into my 30's? They wound up married to or in serious relationships with women who are a lot heavier than the girls they used to date. It's a fairly standard thing for a woman to gain a few lbs. per year (everything from metabolism slowing down gradually to having kids to just not being as active with sports). So the 20 year old you knew who weighed about 140? She's probably about 200lbs. by age 40 - even if she never really intended to gain weight or make any major changes to her daily habits.