Would you be ok with your wife sexting?

[plussizekicks_ss]

My husband and I have been married for a little over a year. He knows I'd never cheat on him. I currently don't have a job. I've always been rather good at sexting. I'm a writer and in high school I took a creative writing class were the teacher allowed us to write about anything. I never gave her a story with full on porn but it was rather steamy. She said I was very detailed when it came to certain...scenes . I'm thinking about joining a website that pays you to text people(I'd also text woman since I'm kind of bi). I also thought about sending pictures but they wouldn't include my face, just my body. Would you be ok with your wife doing something like that or would you throw a fit and say you didn't want her to do it? I've brought up videoing us having sex before and he got upset. I saw someone on here mention the site http://extralunchmoney.com and I thought about using it.

[bbwfan54]

Well, I have been married a looooonnnnngggg  time to the same woman, and I for one would be OK with it, if the conditions you stated are
maintained. 'Specially if it brought in some cash, which couples might need.

[Heart and Mind]

Well.. i'd say i woulnd't be a fan of it. Me and my wife are not in desperate need of money, thankfully, but either way it just wouldn't feel right for me i guess. But that's just me, so.. it's the kind of thing that's absolutely fine if you're both ok with it. 

[plussizekicks_ss]

We talked about it last night and he's not happy about the idea. I said that if it made him more comfortable I'd only respond to them if he's not home. I'm thinking about writing like a rule book for what I won't do. Like if he doesn't want me talking about something specific or anything like that. I told him I wanted to try it for a month and if I don't make much money I'd quit.

[hiro]

I can understand not wanting to be filmed, but why get upset?

The only reason I can think that he would mind texting is if he is insecure. Regardless of what you end up doing, the insecurity needs to be addressed.

[Help]

On 1/12/2016 at 11:36 AM, hiro said:

I can understand not wanting to be filmed, but why get upset?

The only reason I can think that he would mind texting is if he is insecure. Regardless of what you end up doing, the insecurity needs to be addressed.

Agreed. I'd love my wife to do something like that. It's a good outlet, and I think would only broaden her horizons a little bit.

 

and Plussize, let me know if you end up on ELM, I'll buy from you :-)

[J Serfontein]

I think it's honestly not the right thing to do. But let try to explain why..

The poster above seems to be under the impression it's 'a good outlet' - your husband surely would feel that if you want to express yourself through sexting then why is he not the target of it, the soul object of your desire? What is he doing wrong that means you need another outlet to feel fulfilled? Is he not satisfying you? These sorts of ideas can be incredibly hurtful to have. But he's also maybe not just thinking of the here and now, what if once you start and your 'horizons expand' and you then go on to find him less desirable, less interesting sexually? That could be crossing his mind too.

It also sounds to me like you've already decided to do it - even when he expressed his desire for you not to pursue it. This is the sort of thing that is really black and white with no middle ground for a comprise to be reached on, you either do it or you don't. I agree with what hiro is saying above. The guy is clearly insecure and talk about you wanting to sext other guys (or girls) is one of the most unhelpful things you could be doing.  

Look at bbwfan54 up there, been married for a looong time and he's okay with it, because he has full confidence in his relationship. If you want to do these sorts of things, you need to start working on your relationship with your husband, because it sounds like he doesn't feel very secure about it. Once you get that level of security up and he feels really confident about the future, you and the relationship - then you can try to bring up these things again, but now is really the wrong time.

 

[Help]

But those are all his problems, not hers. If he's that insecure about their relationship, he's going to lose her eventually, weather she does this or not. It might do him some good if she were to model, or sext or whatever, and then show him that he's the one she wants, It might give him more confidence, especially knowing that she's desired, but he's the one who has her.

I have to quote this part of the response

13 hours ago, J Serfontein said:

our husband surely would feel that if you want to express yourself through sexting then why is he not the target of it, the soul object of your desire? What is he doing wrong that means you need another outlet to feel fulfilled? Is he not satisfying you

So here's the thing, it's incredibly naive to think that that anyone would be the sole object of desire. if that were true, porn wouldn't even exist. It's unhealthy for him to think that she should find him and only him attractive, not only would that not be true, for anyone, it does nothing but cause fights.

Plus, sometimes people have different levels of sexual energy, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the person who has a higher level of sexual energy is going to need to get that somewhere or else she's just going to slowly get more and more unhappier until the damage is too strong to fix.

[J Serfontein]

On 1/20/2016 at 3:04 PM, Help said:

But those are all his problems, not hers. If he's that insecure about their relationship, he's going to lose her eventually, weather she does this or not. It might do him some good if she were to model, or sext or whatever, and then show him that he's the one she wants, It might give him more confidence, especially knowing that she's desired, but he's the one who has her.

I have to quote this part of the response

So here's the thing, it's incredibly naive to think that that anyone would be the sole object of desire. if that were true, porn wouldn't even exist. It's unhealthy for him to think that she should find him and only him attractive, not only would that not be true, for anyone, it does nothing but cause fights.

Plus, sometimes people have different levels of sexual energy, and there's nothing wrong with that, but the person who has a higher level of sexual energy is going to need to get that somewhere or else she's just going to slowly get more and more unhappier until the damage is too strong to fix.

I should try to point out, I was trying to come at this from his perspective - based on what she told us, so obviously there was some reaching done in my assertions. Also it was very late. So to clarify, that's not what I think but it might be what he thinks; if you follow me?

 

But anyway, it sounds to me like she's already decided to do this even after talking to her husband and he's not okay with it. I think her number one priority is to address her marriage and make him feel more comfortable. If he was happy and confident about it, this wouldn't be an issue. Unless he has a very conservative outlook on life - but she would have known that before she married him and would have seen this as something that wouldn't be an option for her.

[plussizekicks_ss]

I never said he wasn't fulfilling my needs. This is based on making money doing it nothing else. I've had this conversation with my husband. It would just be a job. Most likely I won't end up doing it. I'm looking into signing up for cosmetology school in the next month anyway so I wouldn't have the time.