Abandonment issues

[penguinatorxl7]

Is it just me, or are fat admirers like prime subjects to develop abandonment issues? All of my favorite gainers have either disappeared without a trace, realized they hate gaining and turned their back on it, or decided to stop sharing their journey for whatever reason.

Now don't get me wrong, it's the nature of the beast about being a fat admirer in the fact that being one revolves around liking this trait in other people whom have their own rights and freedom of will. But it just sucks so much that gaining is still something that is very niche and probably always will be. 

My favorite gainers were ayumichan46, feedeeleah, chubbybychoice, lovethatchub and goodgirlgrow,  Ayumi only got into gaining because of her boyfriend's interest and weight gain from a medication that she was taking. She ended up realizing that gaining was just a phase and ended up losing all of the weight. Feedeeleah has gone up and down in weight but she ended up keeping her content private because of issues she was having with people stalking her or some nonsense, chubbybychoice is basically the same case. Lovethatchub I have no idea where she went or what she's up to. Goodgirlgrow most recently must have had a very sudden change in heart and disappeared without a word.

I'm only sharing this because I wondered if anyone else here felt the same abandonment issues as I do. Not trying to start a revolution or anything just wanted to share my thoughts. Thanks.

[OscarWinner]

I asked a gainer model about this on her tumblr and she replied with this SJW rant about how "you don't own me and I don't owe anybody anything" and it pissed me off. She radically addressed my legit concerns as if it was heartless stalking of the creepiest order, like I'm trying to mind rape her or something.

All I wanted to say is "ghosting is a dick move. Could you just not ghost us if you ever leave?"

It can't be too much to ask. For all intents, they are the ones who initiate the conversation. 

Imagine. You see someone speaking on a street corner (perhaps they're preaching something, selling something, protesting something, etc.) and you walk up to join them and hold an amicable discussion. Then, after displaying a growing interest in the conversation, they stop talking and walk away. That's rude. That's disgustingly rude.

It's stuff like that which makes me believe that a LOT of these people just want to be worshipped. It holds back the enjoyment of this subculture and kills off social media sites too.

[caps0rock]

If we start saying 'hey you can only share shit if you guarantee not to vanish' a whole lot less sharing will be going on... just because 'they started the conversation' does not mean they are obliged to continue it. Its not like they cornered you in a street corner, forcing their content on you...

[penguinatorxl7]

I guess gaining is something that people can really get cold feet about. I understand why, health concerns and and a persons varying perception of beauty as time goes by.  Basically all that I am saying is that it really sucks to be a fat admirer sometimes, makes me wish I didn't have this trait.

[KillerRamer]

1 hour ago, OscarWinner said:

I asked a gainer model about this on her tumblr and she replied with this SJW rant about how "you don't own me and I don't owe anybody anything" and it pissed me off. She radically addressed my legit concerns as if it was heartless stalking of the creepiest order, like I'm trying to mind rape her or something.

All I wanted to say is "ghosting is a dick move. Could you just not ghost us if you ever leave?"

It can't be too much to ask. For all intents, they are the ones who initiate the conversation. 

Imagine. You see someone speaking on a street corner (perhaps they're preaching something, selling something, protesting something, etc.) and you walk up to join them and hold an amicable discussion. Then, after displaying a growing interest in the conversation, they stop talking and walk away. That's rude. That's disgustingly rude.

It's stuff like that which makes me believe that a LOT of these people just want to be worshipped. It holds back the enjoyment of this subculture and kills off social media sites too.

Except in your example it's on a much, much smaller scale and both parties have clear ownership of what they have to say. Trying to compare the real world isn't exactly an even scale.  Most of these girls are putting themselves out there, giving out something nice, for a little praise and finding self confidence. A relatively fair an equal trade.  But then you realize you've opened yourself up to a number of people who never had to input anything to begin with, the abusers set in. Fine some of them want money in return, proceed as you will respectfully and with caution. Personally I'm the sort that wouldn't hand out money unless I saw them as a trusted friend and just avoid them together or they really needed it. No insults, no arguments, I'm just not picking up what their putting down. 

 

Genuinely shitty, and terrible people who will harass you night and day to get more or just to be assholes because you're putting yourself in a position of vulnerability.. Dealing with one obsessive dickhead is bad enough, but imagine 50 of them getting all hoity toity. They have no face, they have no trace, and can get away with saying whatever the fuck they want behind closed doors, and they come in such droves you can't possibly deal with them all in any reasonable amount of time. Not to mention the assholes who will try slipping on some other side pretending to be you... Do you know how many times I've had to report a profile for impersonating someone I know on FF? Fucking too many man... =/

 

Most of these girls just want some genuine mutual respect. Sometimes they have things to do, and have friends and other relations to deal with. But some people refuse to respect that. Sometimes trying to guilt trip you, or stalking you, or just sharing things they have been asked not to share. And yet we see again and again that it's simply too much to ask.  And dealing with it in large numbers can drive anyone to the point of being livid. Why are people treating you with such little respect when you're giving them content to "enjoy" usually asking for nothing in return, or simply asking to trade content for cash. 

 

It's not fun dealing with the onslaught of "Oh this is a morph, oh you haven't gained enough, oh you're not into this particular niche of the fetish so you're a fake."  I mean hell this their body we are talking about. Weight gain ain't exactly 100% risk free... And it sure as hell doesn't come without harsh judgement from society, family, and friends.  There's plenty of people who have left the community that I've manged to keep in contact with. Why? Because I respect them, I give them reasons to trust me, and maintain that trust. 

 

If someone wants to leave the community, do they really owe you an explanation when they hardly know you? If they feel like they aren't enjoy the experience, and aren't receiving any respect period,or mildly threatened..... Would you honestly stay/bother with a thoughtful goodbye to the masses? 

 

 

[OscarWinner]

1 hour ago, KillerRamer said:

 But then you realize you've opened yourself up to a number of people who never had to input anything to begin with, the abusers set in.

Set your profile to private.

1 hour ago, KillerRamer said:

It's not fun dealing with the onslaught of "Oh this is a morph, oh you haven't gained enough, oh you're not into this particular niche of the fetish so you're a fake."  

You could just disable comments.

1 hour ago, KillerRamer said:

Would you honestly stay/bother with a thoughtful goodbye to the masses? 

Yes. Especially, if one has way more fans than trolls, which is usually the case.

Overall, just speaking with administrators can do a number on the imposters and trolls, but these people on tumblr, YouTube, FeeBee, FF, Deviant Art and wherever the hell else gainers/feedees are, have been on the internet long enough to know that trolls are an inevitable reality. Yeah, trolling sucks, but it's better than living in a world without the internet. Seems like a fair trade-off.

Stalkers are a legal issue, but if you feel vulnerable to that you have to be proactive enough to not cue people in your location (like not wearing any local college apparel or describe the exact local weather scenario in a specific day). Push-come-to-shove, lock your doors and let the world know you have guns or a vicious guard dog.

[KillerRamer]

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Set your profile to private.

Yes because that usually works out so well... I mean fuck man haven't you seen those threads where people post screenshots of people they bloody know behind their backs on here? Clearly that shit doesn't work.  Or people who post things from private instagrams on here or elsewhere like DB. 

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You could just disable comments.

At that point why bother being around? You don't get to meet anyone or get the confidence boost/ enjoyment from the good eggs. Not only that you become the jack ass who just wants people to fawn over you, who doesn't care about their community. People will see you as selfish, and self serving... No matter what you do in this position you can never win. You're always being punished and thought poorly of for posting material for others enjoyment. 

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Yes. Especially, if one has way more fans than trolls, which is usually the case.

Unfortunately even when they are the minority the fanbase is usually large enough to still leave it's marks. Especially when they attack you with throw away accounts It's easy to feel like they are in larger mass.  Especially when they go out of their way to do it. Most fans will say cut and copy phrases that don't sound like theres any genuine thought or care into it. Some do go above and beyond and it's great. But then theres those that hammer you with shit like dick picks, or paragraph upon paragraph of what your doing is disgraceful and shameful and blah blah blah. 

9 hours ago, OscarWinner said:

Overall, just speaking with administrators can do a number on the imposters and trolls, but these people on tumblr, YouTube, FeeBee, FF, Deviant Art and wherever the hell else gainers/feedees are, have been on the internet long enough to know that trolls are an inevitable reality. Yeah, trolling sucks, but it's better than living in a world without the internet. Seems like a fair trade-off.

Stalkers are a legal issue, but if you feel vulnerable to that you have to be proactive enough to not cue people in your location (like not wearing any local college apparel or describe the exact local weather scenario in a specific day). 

 

Yeah right, sadly not every mod is so willing to lend a hand. You have to jump through hoops proving you're the real deal, you have to explain the situation time and time again whenever you're harassed... It's like being the tattle tale at school. You rat on people, the teachers give them a stern talking to... And then you get the snot kicked out of your for trying to look for help.  It's a no win situation that turns something that was meant to be fun into work.

Why go to such lengths to keep in touch with a community that put's you through this ringer?  Why go through so much trouble You have to go to the police over being harassed and explain some crazy story and deal with the " Eh shoulda thought twice for posting online."  Their advice and kfd's advice to girls equates to the same thing... Don't fucking post shit online.

And of course the world is far better with the internet than without. But just as it has many great values in serving us, it also hands out plenty of hindrances for people to abuse such power.  

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Push-come-to-shove, lock your doors and let the world know you have guns or a vicious guard dog.

That is the number one way to make shit worse for yourself. That's just bloody antagonizing them and starting a war with an enemy you don't know, and telling them what defenses you may have if you're not bullshitting the phrase to begin with. Empty threats are a VERY bad idea... 

[Guest high]

The 4 models/feedees you mention are not a large enough sample size. Besides, they get trolled all the time-concern trolls and those disgusting group of superfits who live to put down chubbies.

If it's not that, then it's someone super obsessed with the feedee and finding their fb and where they work, etc.

Right now, there are more feedees than ever on tumblr.

[senorclean]

It's just the nature of gaining. It's  unsustainable and self dectructive.  A large portion of this is fantasy, and reality often differs from idealistic feedee dreams They find it's not what they expected with things not playing out as they did in their head. For this reason it's not as gratifying for them with unforseen and forseen downsides detracting from their experience more than they thought.

[penguinatorxl7]

14 hours ago, senorclean said:

It's just the nature of gaining. It's  unsustainable and self dectructive.  A large portion of this is fantasy, and reality often differs from idealistic feedee dreams They find it's not what they expected with things not playing out as they did in their head. For this reason it's not as gratifying for them with unforseen and forseen downsides detracting from their experience more than they thought.

Very true. I've learned that it just really sucks to be a fat admirer. I kinda wish I was into the regular fit and tight and toned bodies like most people are.

BTW I love your profile name and pic, senor clean lol

[gta]

Maybe its an age thing, as in whether or not you "grew up" with Internet 2.0+ (I did not), but I can't say I've felt abandoned by someone who I only knew through online communities like ours. If I only ever knew someone for their gaining/FA/whatever interests on a message board, never bothering to learn their other interests and hobbies, I couldn't bring myself to feel betrayed or abandoned if they no longer share that interest with me and stop posting.

To me, it's no different than an attractive person who caught your eye as you walked past them in a public space. You share that brief moment with them, admire their beauty, then move on with your day. I didn't get to know their personal story, how they got to that very spot that day, what they are going to do tonight, etc. And I'm okay with that. I'm also a person that doesn't have Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Kik, or any other social tool like that in my daily life.

Society is in this weird transition period where we are more connected to each other then ever due to advancement in technology, but all the articles I read is about how the average person has never felt so alone, stressed out, overworked, etc. Reminds me of this song; "we love the things that hate us" is in the chorus: