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Need help with your fat fetish?


Guest viorus

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Guest viorus

Hey guys,

I was a long time member here who decided that I wanted to quit indulging my fat fetish. It was getting way out of control for me and I needed to stop. I am now three months clean. If any guys / gals need help quitting the FA community, please send me a PM. I am more than happy to share tips / strategies / counseling to anyone interested. Don't be afraid to ask!

Also, there's lots of support via online communities. For example, www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/ is a great resource. There's people who want to help you if you need it.

-Viorus

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Guest pangzi

I totally get going porn and masturbation free... but a lot of us have a feedist/weight gain fetish, not a fat fetish.  And this fetish has been with me since I was like 4 years old.  It was a developed fetish and it ain't going anywhere.

I know you're coming from a good place and only trying to help, but making it sound like sexual preference and/or fetish is something curable is destructive, unhealthy thinking, at least in my opinion.  I spent so much of my youth hating my sexual desires and wishing they would go away.  Now, I love how they make me a unique individual and wouldn't rid myself of them if I had the option.

I do, however, agree that porn and masturbation can be problematic habits and/or addictions, as well as have the potential to exaggerate sexual tastes, so congrats on going porn free.

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Guest An Optimist
On 3/18/2017 at 11:06 PM, pangzi said:

I know you're coming from a good place and only trying to help, but making it sound like sexual preference and/or fetish is something curable is destructive, unhealthy thinking, at least in my opinion.

It's only 'destructive' if your identity is tied to your fetish. 

A good way to think about fetishes is admitting they are not tied to morality at all, it's something that develops in response to what you live through. Of course a fetish can make someone more likel to be immoral.

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I agree with the other responses here, that our fetishes/paraphilia/sexual preferences are as ingrained to our psyche as our gender preference is. Whether they are learned or innate, they can't really be unlearned and it may be psychologically damaging to attempt to do so.

So having a particular sexual preference etc. is not inherently destructive. What can be, is the decisions we make and actions we take surrounding it. A most extreme example by analogy would be that what Brock Turner did was wrong in the worst way, both morally and legally. But it would be absurd to blame his heterosexuality for his actions. Likewise, we shouldn't consider being a feeder/feedee inherently wrong, but a coercive feedist relationship without full consent is. And being an FA is not a problem by itself, but can be if you feel that it leads to a porn addiction. 

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Guest grateful

First of all, I appreciate the boldness of the poster in risking criticism for ruining the party etc. to get his share across.

Add to this the bubble of health issues, WLS, and the like, that are unpleasant topics that crop up in the so called RL.

As long as the tail doesn't begin to wag the dog (which has happened elsewhere), I think the expression of different points of view can help our understanding of ourselves.

When I visit Curvage, I am looking for support for my tendencies, not the burden of "feeling wrong".

I am under the impression that "fetish" involves "things" and a "fat fetishist" might be some kind of size fiend who is into a pile of fat, whether there's a person there or not.

All of my FA ism centers on relationship with another human being.

It is her fat, not someone else's and it is her, not some thing or substance, that draws me deeper into the person.

I feel closer to the man who confesses that he's gay, than I do to a man who can't cum without certain ladies shoes or needs to sniff panties.

I associate my FA ism with the concept of "sexual preference".

Whether our preference can garner the respect that other preferences do, remains to be seen.

Also, many times I've wondered if we can be cured.

Can a gay man become hetero?

Can a true FA come to enjoy the lean and fit physique of someone who watches their weight?

Can I experience a tremendous elation when my lover announces that she is serious about loosing weight?

I don't know.

Just my 2 cents.

 

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Guest pangzi

While I have no problem with the fact that I masturbate to images of fat women on the Internet, I do have a problem with masturbating to images of women on the Internet period.  I'm going to give the whole three months without porn, etc. thing at try.  I'll let you know how it goes.  Adios for now.

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Guest An Optimist
On 3/21/2017 at 9:32 PM, grateful said:

Can a true FA come to enjoy the lean and fit physique of someone who watches their weight?

Can I experience a tremendous elation when my lover announces that she is serious about loosing weight?

It's different to gay/straight, I think. Sexual orientation is  more than a fetish, or preference.

There is people who fetishize, gay behaviors like sucking cocks, because of, for example, past sexual abuse (heard this from psychologists). But they never fall in love with men. 
 

Quote

Can a true FA come to enjoy the lean and fit physique of someone who watches their weight?

But who is a 'true FA' ? Someone who always thinks about feederism or fat women and keeps looking for such?

What we enjoy and what we are drawn towards depends  on the stimuli you get while satiating your sex drive. 
 

I don't think if one started out as an FA you can ever get to the opposite pole of being aroused by lean women more than curvy or fat ones. But there's something to be said for not making things worse than they could be. 

 





 

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Guest grateful

 

17 hours ago, An Optimist said:

I don't think if one started out as an FA you can ever get to the opposite pole of being aroused by lean women more than curvy or fat ones. But there's something to be said for not making things worse than they could be. 

Interesting, thanks for your comment.

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Guest viorus

Thanks for all of your comments. While I think it's true you will always have a fetish or sexual preference, it doesn't mean you can't choose another path. I hope no one here ever hates themselves for their preferences or actions. I'm just here to tell you that if you want to stop being a fat-admirer, it's possible (at least in my case). No pressure, just support.

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Guest An Optimist
On 3/26/2017 at 10:34 AM, viorus said:

Thanks for all of your comments. While I think it's true you will always have a fetish or sexual preference, it doesn't mean you can't choose another path. I hope no one here ever hates themselves for their preferences or actions. I'm just here to tell you that if you want to stop being a fat-admirer, it's possible (at least in my case). No pressure, just support.

Depends on the definition of 'fat admirer', I'd think. My problem is the porn addiction, and that normal sex isn't something I could do, even if I wanted (based on past experience). 
The addiction is the big deal, as it impacts many more things than just preferences, it makes marriage and other similar relationships even harder than they usually are.

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  • 3 weeks later...

What a great excuse to come back to Curvage after your entire THREE MONTHS of being "clean," as though the rest of us are "dirty!" 

"Hey! The browser says you went to Curvage!!!! WTF????"

"No, no, no - I didn't look at ANY of the photos, and I SWEAR I was signed onto the site to advise others, not to sneak a look at a fat belly!"

 

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  • 2 years later...
Guest grateful

I come to Curvage for the serious discussion, not the pics or vids  😂

If there was a fat Playboy I'd read the articles but not look at the pictures in that....

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I don't even understand the principle that being FA is a bad thing in the first place.

The inevitable respose is, 'because fat isn't healthy.' And while yes, it's possible to be healthy and fat, the fact is that being fat does increase your odds of (eventually) suffering from serious health conditions. I grant the premise.

That said, unhealthy behavious - say, motorcycling - are often considered sexy without anyone being attacked for that tendency. So 'health' is not the real concern, is it? If it were, the same people condemning fat woukd be condemning motorcycling and any other dangerous activity.

And besides: it's very, very difficult for fat people to stop being fat. Weight loss efforts almost never stick. Fat people are often psychologically and genetically predisposed to be fat.

Anyone saying that FAness is bad is, in effect, saying therefore that no fat people should ever be sexually desired. The effect of this principle would not be to somehow force fat people to become thin. Rather it would be to compound the suffering of stigma and shame that many fat people experience all the time - in some cases, for their whole lives - by transforming the MYTH that no one will ever find them attractive into the FACT of it.

What FAs offer is beautuful: acceptance and celebration of people whose bodies are unjustly marginalized and devalued in this culture. That is not something to be 'cured.' It is a wonderful thing that different people are attracted to different body types. It means that everyone is beautiful to someone.

The idea of treating FAness as a pathology is, at root, cruel both to FAs and the people they find desirable. 

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On 3/18/2017 at 6:06 PM, Guest pangzi said:

I totally get going porn and masturbation free... but a lot of us have a feedist/weight gain fetish, not a fat fetish.  And this fetish has been with me since I was like 4 years old.  It was a developed fetish and it ain't going anywhere.

I know you're coming from a good place and only trying to help, but making it sound like sexual preference and/or fetish is something curable is destructive, unhealthy thinking, at least in my opinion.  I spent so much of my youth hating my sexual desires and wishing they would go away.  Now, I love how they make me a unique individual and wouldn't rid myself of them if I had the option.

I do, however, agree that porn and masturbation can be problematic habits and/or addictions, as well as have the potential to exaggerate sexual tastes, so congrats on going porn free.

Very well stated,indeed !

Nothing wrong with with preferring a partner that is thicker, curvy, or even flat out obese !

A nice plump, fat mature woman just fits me best, since I'm fat, I'm not comfortable with a skinny woman

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On 12/24/2019 at 4:37 AM, Joliat said:

Anyone saying that FAness is bad is, in effect, saying therefore that no fat people should ever be sexually desired.

Nope. It's ok that fat, slim, muscular and other people are sexually desired but it's bad when somebody only desires unhealthy type.

Being fat is comparable to using a drugs. It's posiible to change and it's element of self growth and happiness. Being fat is acceptable when you are trying to change this or when you' re a good person. Everyone has the right to weakness and wrong decisions but it's bad when something wants bad for the most important person in his life. When you' re FA who is not bad or deceitful, you must experience a duality - unhealthy sexual preferences and good intentions about your girlfriend.

 

Motorcycling isn't dangerous. It's ok when you're don't cross the border. And it's an activity, no trait. When you are an alcoholic and your wife supports you, it's very good, but it's bad when your girlfriend has alcoholic fetish because her father is alcoholic and when you get over it, you'll stop being attractive to her. I support my girlfriend in losing weight, but I will have to leave when she succeeds. My ex gained because I admired her figure but later she losted weight and relationship has ended. FA makes it impossible to combine love with sexual fulfillment. This preferention ruined my life.

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Robert, your English is excellent, but I can tell it's not your first language, a few subtle things like saying posted when lost is correct prove that.I would easily say you are very fluent in English even if it's your second or third language. You would have no problem if ever visited the USA or any other Primarily English speaking country

Your profile suggests you are Polish, I have Polish ancestry as well.

Very few native born Americans have the ability to speak a second or third language, many immigrants from Mexico and central American countries here speak Spanish as well as American English.

You get kind of overly dramatic by stating that this girl ruined your life by losing weight. You're not physically damaged or in a prison or anything like that and at 30 still quite young. I guess you just can't be satisfied with a woman that isn't 125 kg or so ?

Women are like busses, another one will stop by in  another 15 minutes.

You might get her back a few years from now at her full weight and maybe more, very few women that lost lots of weight, especially quickly, keep it off for long.

You'll get another plump G/F soon enough, there is no great shortage of overweight women anywhere

I prefer a mature woman with a full figured BBW type of body St like 225-285 lbs, and average height of 5'4" or so, but very often wind up with less, I was married to a much smaller woman  than that for 17 years ! I'm not as adament about insisting on a fat woman as you are, you will get what you desire in due time, my friend. I'm very sure of that.

The majority of obese women here have very low self-esteem and are especially easy to find in the USA, where there are unrealistic  standards of what is considered normal, getting a fat girl is much easier than a skinny one, especially if you like them older like I do

55 and fat is really easy, it's like fishing in a barrel !

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