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Does it get easier? Wife lost weight


modraneth

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Forest Girl, this is the nature of men. Lots of people wish it weren't so but men, despite the relentless social conditioning directed their way across Western culture, remain physically oriented. We care, love and sympathize as much as we can but our prime motive is sex. All our lives. 

You can find men who do their best to conform to the anti-male doctrine our media projects at us from infancy. They are out there- weakened fellows with jobs in cubicles or similarly less physicalized work places where they wait or clerk. These more empathetic men fear conflict and seek safety, just like women, as they've been taught. But they wont ever satisfy you.

You will never be thrilled by those manly traits like conquest, victory, acquisition, leadership, dominance, rigor, challenge and more which define manliness. You wont know the security of having a man provide for you, protect you, and surround you in comfort as a man who builds, repairs and maintains things can. Men who will repair your plumbing, not just clean your toilet. When the heat fails and the furnace must be stoked, you may dial a feminist man from whom you'll get plenty of sympathy but, no fire.

You can have everything you want from a man if you just give him the sex he wants. It's really all you need to do. Guys getting good sex deliver the goods. It's just how we are.

Just be sure he's a man first and not a eunuch.

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She recoiled at the touch because she doesn't like the feel of the hip bone. It sort of juts out. I've started to avoid it entirely, and as another poster suggested, just focus on the parts of her body that she and I are comfortable with. We had the same issue when she was 160 lbs, and I would touch and massage her belly. It made her feel self-conscious. The other parts were OK. Still, it was hard to avoid the area since it was such a turn on for me. It's been an on-going issue in our relationship with her being uncomfortable with her body. But weight gain to her is such an anathema that even though she isn't happy with her current weight she won't gain on purpose. It is just completely against how she has been programmed. I think the best strategy at this point is to wait it out because of the strain it is putting on things. Yes, there are obligations in a marriage. I've kept myself in shape in a way that she likes, and while I would love for her to put on weight on purpose, it's just not going to happen. The way she looks at it is that this is my problem, not hers. She doesn't understand why looks matter so much. I can't explain it on my end beyond the simple fact that I used to find her more attractive.  I mean reading this thread, it is obvious that i am not the only one. Thanks for your advice. If you like I can update the thread to let you know how things are going.

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12 hours ago, Forest Girl said:

Hi there! 

I've had this problem with my boyfriend and I am afraid that will come up again in the future and we both will be very devastated. 

Last summer, I lost some weight because of being so hot and working a lot of hours a day. 

And as that happened my boyfriends kisses changed. They weren't so warm anymore. He couldn't perform well in bed and sometimes he couldn't even come. ( earlier he used to come up to 4 times on days we spent at home ). 

I never got that concept of his that he doesn't enjoy my smiller me and will never accept me if something happens just like in your case ( hormonal disorder ).

I am afraid that I am putting all the love and commitment I can give into that relationship and someday  I could get in your wife's situation. 

Gaining weight is not always easy( I now stuck myself with chocolate and bread just to gain but it doesn't always feel good to do that when you don't have appetite).  There are always other man showing their interest in you and finding you attractive, so you stay less at home with your partner and search for acceptance somewhere else. Sometimes you feel guilty for that but if you partner of years doesn't provide you pleasure because of a weight change, what should I do as  a woman? Cheat? Drop the relationship? Struggle myself to gain weight until the next time I unintentionally drop weight and that story starts again?

Believe me your side is not the only hard one!  

I am interested what is going to happen with your relationship. 

Your post opened my eyes. Maybe I should consider finding another man that is more interested by the character of the woman next to him and secondly the body. 

 

Take care!

The only advice I can offer is try not to make your weight a theme of the relationship. The focus on that through my relationship and now my marriage has definitely strained things. Ultimately, you need to be comfortable in your body. You shouldn't be gaining for him or to keep your relationship going. If you are comfortable gaining the weight, then by all means go ahead. Honestly, what you are going through sounds a lot like what I went through with my wife. When she would go to the gym or lose a little weight, I would be honestly resentful because she was taking away something that I enjoyed. That's selfish because really it was up to her. It is her body, and it was putting too much emphasis on her looks. It sounds like you are headed down the same path that I was although maybe you are a little more open to the weight gain than my wife because that has never, ever been on the table.I give this advice knowing that I am still going to struggle in my marriage because of my preference, so please take it with a grain of salt. I'm just speaking from my specific experience. I'm glad though that you can see that there is an importance in a relationship beyond simply the physical because that is really important. If you can't connect with your boyfriend on a level beyond your looks, then you will probably have trouble down the road. And as for my wife, yes, it is extremely hard on her too. She is judged more now because of her weight (never when she was bigger). To the point where a clerk who was hemming her pants told her, "Do you even eat?" (that is actually the right quote). Her family is pressuring her, and her husband too to gain weight. But she is so against the concept of gaining that it goes against all of her programming to even consider it. So yes, I can see where you are coming from because I've seen it in my wife too. Thanks for sharing your story. Hopefully things work out for you.

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Guest An Optimist
On 4/28/2017 at 1:59 AM, modraneth said:

Yes, there are obligations in a marriage. I've kept myself in shape in a way that she likes,

It'd be nicer if she did likewise. I mean, there's that she can feel superior to most other women because she's slim, it's almost a class marker now. Really a tricky situation. 

What did she dislike about being chubby? How bad it feels to be heavy probably really depends on how much muscle the fat person has. Someone who's strong is probably way less likely bothered by a little extra weight because it's easy to carry around. 

 

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4 hours ago, An Optimist said:

It'd be nicer if she did likewise. I mean, there's that she can feel superior to most other women because she's slim, it's almost a class marker now. Really a tricky situation. 

What did she dislike about being chubby? How bad it feels to be heavy probably really depends on how much muscle the fat person has. Someone who's strong is probably way less likely bothered by a little extra weight because it's easy to carry around. 

 

It was belly fat mostly. She hated her belly fat.

So just an update on this. Things are going well so far. The reconditioning seems to be working. Avoiding the weight gain literature has helped as suggested because it is no longer feeding my fantasy that she will get larger. And surprise surprise, it has made me want her more. When she isn't competing with sexual fantasy it actually becomes a lot easier to accept things and the attraction is still there. It won't be easy, especially with summer coming, but I think I just have to keep at it. Anyway, thanks for the advice all. 

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Guest Reluctantfatlover
13 hours ago, An Optimist said:

It'd be nicer if she did likewise. I mean, there's that she can feel superior to most other women because she's slim, it's almost a class marker now. Really a tricky situation. 

What did she dislike about being chubby? How bad it feels to be heavy probably really depends on how much muscle the fat person has. Someone who's strong is probably way less likely bothered by a little extra weight because it's easy to carry around. 

 

Yeah, I imagine if a skinny-fat girl with no muscle who gained a lot of weight in a short time would find the weight of her own fat exhausting to carry around, and it would also be a lot more harmful for her bones, since they would be carrying all the weight.

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Guest grateful

I applaud modraneth's sharing on this topic. I can't tell you how much stress I have created for myself worrying whether my wife or a partner is going to loose weight or be big enough.

It seems logical that we should find "that ideal person" who knows this life, no questions asked: the ideal feedee.

Every one of my partners has gained in our relationship, but humans are complex and the river of what makes us tick can run deep.

I wasn't able to handle a situation once when I was in love with a genuine feedee - for reasons other than weight!

Also, is my partner ever fat enough? I seem to want more and more.

Right now I am single and unattached and I tell myself it's because I won't pull the trigger until the person is "right".

I consider size sites "non-pornographic". Watching women eat and gain supports "who I am" as a person.

Am I functioning under some delusion?

I can remember when I was a kid and in love with my high school sweetheart.

The tiniest micro gain meant a lot and a little chubbiness went a long way.

Can I return to that moment?

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12 hours ago, grateful said:

I consider size sites "non-pornographic". Watching women eat and gain supports "who I am" as a person.

Am I functioning under some delusion?

I can remember when I was a kid and in love with my high school sweetheart.

The tiniest micro gain meant a lot and a little chubbiness went a long way.

Can I return to that moment?

Kind of, yeah. I don't know about you, but anything that is being consumed by you in order to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings is pornographic. It's not a bad thing, but don't kid yourself. 

And as for your high school sweetheart, I find myself waaaaay more attracted to even the smallest gain if it is on a real person I have a connection with in some way. 

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Modraneth, I'm really glad your relationship is going better. My hope is that with the increased attraction she is feeling from you will lead to her being more comfortable in her own skin, which will make any eventual gain easier to stomach, no pun intended.

And just remember, the only way her weight can go is up!

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 4/27/2017 at 8:45 AM, finallyfat said:

Forest Girl, this is the nature of men. Lots of people wish it weren't so but men, despite the relentless social conditioning directed their way across Western culture, remain physically oriented. We care, love and sympathize as much as we can but our prime motive is sex. All our lives. 

You can find men who do their best to conform to the anti-male doctrine our media projects at us from infancy. They are out there- weakened fellows with jobs in cubicles or similarly less physicalized work places where they wait or clerk. These more empathetic men fear conflict and seek safety, just like women, as they've been taught. But they wont ever satisfy you.

You will never be thrilled by those manly traits like conquest, victory, acquisition, leadership, dominance, rigor, challenge and more which define manliness. You wont know the security of having a man provide for you, protect you, and surround you in comfort as a man who builds, repairs and maintains things can. Men who will repair your plumbing, not just clean your toilet. When the heat fails and the furnace must be stoked, you may dial a feminist man from whom you'll get plenty of sympathy but, no fire.

You can have everything you want from a man if you just give him the sex he wants. It's really all you need to do. Guys getting good sex deliver the goods. It's just how we are.

Just be sure he's a man first and not a eunuch.

Amen.

I ain't good-lookin', but I can fix shit.

When your heater goes off at 3 AM in January, she's not going to call Fabio. 

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On 4/29/2017 at 11:11 AM, grateful said:

 

Right now I am single and unattached and I tell myself it's because I won't pull the trigger until the person is "right".

I consider size sites "non-pornographic". Watching women eat and gain supports "who I am" as a person.

 

Me, too...for me, there is so much to a relationship that I no longer wish to put up with in order to get the "good stuff." 

Met a woman Saturday while photographing an event...saw her from afar. So beautiful, lovely figure, chubby thighs, big butt.

Went right up to her, talked to her for 20 seconds and realized she was dull, mouth ever-so-slack. Just not a ton of brain cells.

I wished her a nice day, and moved on. For a minute I thought I'd found my princess. 

I just can't have a partner who isn't quick, sharp, funny, a wise-mouth. 

I have much to give...just waiting for the right person. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest grateful

WhoDat: I was being a little sarcastic in that, I am convinced that, for me, watching girls get fat is totally pornographic and the big question is, would that harm my ability to have a fulfilling relationship in R/L?

I have chosen to continue looking on line because weight is always a big deal, especially if I get involved with someone and I don't care to make myself or another nuts with this stuff anymore. I am not trying very hard to meet anybody at the moment but i do have an open mind.

Thanks for your share.

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  • 1 month later...

It kind of sucks, because a lot of times you don't realize you are into more weight until you're older and in an established relationship with kids and the like. But I also think it's important to keep things in perspective. She's a person, not just a medium for your fetishes (not saying you think that way)- and a marriage is a deep partnership. If her self image doesn't jive with your physical ideal you're just going to have to deal. That might be an irreconcilable difference.

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Wow... lots of stuff here.

One thing I've got to say, as an "older guy" (mid 40's anyway, which seems to be on the older side for this web site, for whatever reason) who has been married, divorced, and now happily re-married for 8+ years.....   I'm convinced the most important thing is that you've married someone you truly consider a friend, first. Sex drive is going to come and go from both partners. (It's hard to believe that when you're in your 20's or early 30's .... trust me!  But eventually, things change.) You'll have stretches where you're just not in the mood for sex. Maybe you're under a lot of stress at work, or not getting much sleep, or ?? She's going to go through menopause, and pre-menopause before that. Either of you may feel, at times, like you're just "bored" with each other's bodies, sexual preferences and routines, etc. But as long as you still feel like you're "best friends" with each other, enjoying other things together (even if it's just sitting around talking or watching TV together) - that can get you through.

If the friendship aspect is there, it helps make sure the trust aspect is there. And if the trust is there, you're both confident neither one is cheating and you know you can work through any rough patches.

The other part of this is the fact that the most important "sex organ" is the brain. I don't think you can force yourself to be attracted to something you're not .... but it's also true that the mind is an amazing thing and can adapt and learn new things. You may be able to figure out a new aspect to your partner that turns you on, that you never even thought about before when you were focused on her overall looks. (As just one example .... Did you ever see a girl who didn't stand out as anyone you'd look twice at, but then she started singing and just had an amazingly sexy voice? All of a sudden, the fact she can sing that way opens up a new aspect of what you find attractive about her.)

Lastly? I've got to comment on some of the stuff this "finallyfat" character has been saying on here. I get that there's a real problem in today's society of trying to feminize men. Just look at all of the male Hollywood actors who are popular today, vs. the types popular decades ago. You don't really have the John Wayne, the Charton Heston, Clint Eastwood or Harrison Ford types anymore. There's a change in what society celebrates as male. That said? I don't think it's fair to throw all guys under the bus just for working office jobs in cubicles. That doesn't mean they're less of masculine men. You don't have to work blue collar jobs to qualify.

 

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