Input on my girlfriend

[blarg328]

In regards to her weight, what my girlfriend says and what she does are very separate concepts. 

We connected via an online dating site, and when we first met in person, it was easy to spot that she'd gained a considerable amount of weight since her photos were taken. We've been together over 6 months now, and she's become rather vocal about it. Apparently, she's been steadily gaining for about 2 years, from 125 pounds in 2016 to 155 now. On her 5'1" frame, this weight has wrought quite an change in her physique, to say the least. 

Here's where the conundrum comes in. She hates her weight - always sighing about how round she's become. On her part, she attributes the gain to forces outside her control - stress, thyroid problems (which she doesn't have), and so on. Furthermore, she says that her lifestyle hasn't changed a bit, and can't understand how her body has changed so dramatically. 

From my perspective, all I see is denial. Her diet is pretty much atrocious, though it has improved since we met. She constantly craves fast food, desserts, and beer. I've seen her pack away a six pack in a single sitting, and have a full meal in snacks while waiting for dinner to be prepared. Moreover, she hates any form of physical exertion - basically anything that causes her to sweat. Sure, her lifestyle may not have changed, but then it was always a lifestyle tailor-made for someone who desired to gain weight.

Mind you, being on this forum, I don't mind bigger women, but I care more about her happiness than anything else. She's obviously unhappy with her body, and I try to encourage healthier habits, but she will often make excuses as to why changes, like going on walks, can't happen quite yet. Sometimes, she'll say things like "fuck my diet" or "such and such makes me fat (but eats it anyway)", which makes me think that maybe she doesn't care as much as she's led me to believe. 

All in all, what do you all think? Should I be supportive? Should I just be quiet? I'm really unsure of which direction to take. 

 

[Guest billow]

Not exactly sure where the dilemma is...  Support healthy habits and good decisions.  Also support her in learning to love her body.  Encourage her, because exercise and a healthy diet will make her healthier and happier.  Also let her know how much your love her body and that you would love it all the same if she drops weight or gains weight.

It's not a choice between strenuous exercise, strict diet, and body love vs. destructive habits, poor diet, and self-loathing.  It's about moderation in diet and exercise, leaving room for indulgence and treating herself, and enjoying her body regardless of its weight.

[blarg328]

2 hours ago, billow said:

Support healthy habits and good decisions.  Also support her in learning to love her body.  Encourage her, because exercise and a healthy diet will make her healthier and happier.  Also let her know how much your love her body and that you would love it all the same if she drops weight or gains weight.

I couldn't agree more - These are things I've been doing for months, with some amount of success. As I mentioned, her diet's improved recently. This comes in contrast to her family's position, in that they constantly comment and make fun of her gain, specifically giving her grief for 'eating like a pig'.

The crux of the dilemma comes in at the point where I'm trying to understand her perspective.

There's a limit to how effective my support will be if she doesn't have the desire to make changes (which is fine). Oftentimes, she seems to have come out of a quintessential weight gain story, where the protagonist is completely unaware of the effects of her actions. If it were self-loathing, wouldn't she be blaming herself on the gain, rather than blaming everything else?

If I had to guess, she's unhappy with how she looks, but isn't super keen on what it would take to lose wight. Furthermore, I think she's come to really enjoy the freedom of being able to eat whatever she likes - the damage is done, if you will.

Coming back to the dilemma, I wish there could come a time where she's able to reconcile her words with her actions. I realize that 'ignorance is bliss', but if she accepts that her lifestyle is the source of her problems, and still wishes it to remain as is, I'd support her 100%. The same goes for any possible outcome. I simply think that that's a main obstacle keeping her from feeling better about herself. 

As I said, the current strategy is that of full support and encouragement. I love this girl, and just want to see her happy, regardless of her weight. I think understanding her point of view would not only help a lot in regards to my own understanding, but might also help my approach is seeing her become who she actually wants to be. 

 

 

[Observer10]

Yes, this does like she seems to have come out of a quintessential weight gain story"  There is a reason for this - many such tales, especially the realistic ones,  are based on reality,  This is what gave rise to my own screen name. over twenty year ago in the old AOL Hometown.  My first stories began as size-positive tales based on actual conversations in the old "Fat and Gaining" chat room.  And your experience is not unusual - an inner struggle denial vs self acceptance as to the reality resulting from life choices when it comes to weight issues is common.  It is also, in my view, something that needs to be grown out of for the person to be enabled to focus on and care for others.

You can't "fix" this for your girlfriend, but you can gently give her some facts, 

1) Most heavier people struggle to keep gained weight off even if they lose it; doing so requires for most an ascetic life style that few can endure and be happy. In short. once you're bigger you are likely to stay that way - so "eat healthy, exercise enough to keep your muscles tone up and get on with the rest of your life" is sound advice. 

2) Although "thin is in" is society's mantra the fact is that most American adult women are size 14-16, not 4-6 - and both they and their heavier sisters do find partners; some men just don't care because they love the total person, others actually prefer bigger. Either way, there is no point in a woman judging herself as unlovable or unattractive based on non-conformity to an arbitrary definition - especially when there is a likable guy publicly believing otherwise. .  

3) If a man is in a relationship with a larger girl he is obviously (unless he indicates otherwise) not repulsed. But being double-minded and contradictory between stated intentions and actual practice in any area will over time have a predictable result. It will initially confuse him and eventually drive him away from you - so why do it?.

 

[Voluptuouslover]

Well.....some girls personalities are more talk than action.  I have had a girlfriend just like this.....she would have monthly little breakdowns because she gained more weight.....she knew I liked it...but I would console her and she wanted to always talk about it for a while....then she would go right back to pigging  out 10 minutes later....I didn't mind it at all.....I had to get used to it after the first several outbreaks though.  Then it just became a consoling thing every two weeks to a month when she couldn't fit into a new pair of jeans she just bought a month -two ago or not want to meet up with friends we had plans with that night last minute because she was feeling to Fat....I would console her and cancel plans ...we would stay in and she would eat and snack all night while we watched a few movies.

My wife is the complete opposite.....she doesn't like to talk about or bring up....if it is not discussed by either of us while she is gaining..and I keep plenty of her favorite food and sweets around.....she acts as if she is in denial about her gaining and just keeps eating and gaining. nowadays.  So the fact that their is absolutely no weight gain talk is sacrificed for seeing the aesthetic gains.....and I tend to talk about it on here becuause of that void.

[extra_m13]

i think the best strategy is to play along, be quiet about her complaining and make her feel comfortable and sexy, and she will probably come at peace with it while maintaining those sexy habit that will likely made her gain a bit more in the future 

[Guest MUSEic]

Yeah, just support her and make her feel beautiful. She'll either come to the conclusion to love her body on her own or not, but I don't believe most women ever completely do. There's always a tendency to be continuously striving for a small size (and intermittently throwing caution to the wind). It's like gravity.

That said, don't sneak. You can be supportive AND honest about your preferences. Just don't make her choices / self-esteem contingent on your desire for fatter women. The rest will all fall into place on it's own.

[Dr. Feeder]

I had a similar problem with my ex-wife. Never could solve it.

[gggg]

I know it's cliché, but "Make her feel beautiful" really is important.  I think the dilemma comes from her own desires vs. society's expectations flickering back into her mind.  Sounds like she probably doesn't really mind gaining weight and pigging out—she doesn't personally think she's not beautiful—but every time her societal conscience pops in and says "Hey, people dislike weight gain" it makes her think she's not beautiful and causes a breakdown. I speak from experience—my fiancée had similar "mood swings" back in high school, when she (very successfully) tried to stay skinny to please everyone around her, until we began living together and she realized she only really cared about pleasing herself and me. Once that societal pressure was quieted, and she could work using her own definition of beautiful, she gained 30 pounds and doesn't seem to mind it one bit.

[tw71]

Right.... This is one of those problems you can't completely "fix" or "cure" because a lot has to do with a woman dealing with all the outside pressures and guilt to try to lose weight and stay thin.  If she's not super-comfortable in her own skin, to the point she completely tunes out all the negative comments or suggestions that ever come her way? She's going to eventually go through these periods of self-doubt or desire to change.

My wife has always been a big woman. (She's about 5'10" with a large build.) And honestly, she's always been a bit of a "pear shape", but gains weight pretty proportionately. Part of her problem seems to be getting over mental blocks about what her weight should be before it's "too much". The ironic thing is, it usually winds up really counter-productive. For example, she bought a used elliptical machine a while back and decided she was going to work out, using it for 20 minutes or so every morning. Then she had a doctor's appointment and was all upset that she still gained some more weight instead of losing any. Well -- I figured that one out the first time she was lying in bed and I picked up one of her legs to move it over. Her legs were noticeably heavier than I ever remember them before, even though they looked a little bit smaller. She built up a lot of solid muscle in her thighs and calves.

At her heaviest, she was a little over 300lbs. and I think she's getting more and more worried as she approaches the 300 mark again. Especially if she gains some muscle on top of everything else, I'd love to see her hit a new high weight, myself. But that paranoia over the number on the scale, plus any existing clothing items that get too small to fit into will make her feel "too big" and go into the mode of only eating salads and drinking water, etc. 

[finallyfat]

I went through a bunch of women- some who hated their fat. They all got fat of course, because women really love to eat and I sure can cook, but as they grew fatter a couple didn't like it.

For an FA, this is an insoluble problem. Yeah, you got the fat you wanted but she won't let you enjoy it. A very cruel punishment.

Any fat loving guy who tolerates the resentment and dissatisfaction for long is a fool. She doesn't feel beautiful, she thinks you are lying when you say she is. There is no happy ending.

Some guys repress their nature for their unhappy mate and live life with half a loaf at best. Sad sack gelded FAs who never got to "live the dream". Sad!

It took a few tries for me to find that perfect sort of fat woman who knows how to please her man. When I did I gave her the world. Don't waste it all on the wrong fatso.

If she hates her fat, dump her. It's gonna happen anyway so assert yourself or be Mort Meek.

 

[blarg328]

Hey all!

Thanks so much for the input, I really appreciated it. 100%, all I can really do is support her, and let the cards fall where they may.

In a bit of an update, it’s clear she’s been gaining more weight. Today, she said something along the lines of “oh my god, my belly’s gotten bigger!”. It’s true, she now has a permanent back roll with larger love handles. Her double chin, which she used to treat as a sort-of joke, has gotten even more pronounced. It wouldn’t surprise if she was at or over 160 lbs by now. For a girl her height, that crosses the line into Obese (if you adhere to BMI categorization). 

Recently, she been more vocal about other side effects of her weight gain, including how its changed the speed and gait of her walk, and how she now sweats all the time. 

The cause here is pretty obvious. She’s been under a load of stress the past few weeks, so her eating habits have gone right back down poor. Add to that that last month she quit her job, where she was forced to be somewhat active. She’s been completely sedentary ever since. No exercise, overeating, and a poor diet will certainly have an effect or two.  
  
Judging by her reactions, it remains clear that she’s not on board with the gain, but is more than happy to follow her bliss. I’m sure that’s related, at least in a small way, to my relentless positive reinforcement. On her part, I know that she’s not planning to do anything about her weight until at least the end of next summer. Judging the rate at which she’s putting on the pounds, she will likely be 165-170 by then. I truly hope that by then, she’s mort comfortable in her own skin.

[ronnie17de]

Well, you are doing something right, I guess. Compliments and unwavering support will help a great deal in keeping her state of overeating bliss going. Eventually most women kind of accept reality, albeit grudgingly. It just takes time. Good luck and keep us posted!

[Guest deadjesusrodeo1]

Maybe see if you can get her interested in some body-positivity youtubers/instagrammers, I think that could really do a lot to help out her self-esteem/body image issues.

[blarg328]

Hey all! Since the last update, I’ve gotten a bit of new insight into my girlfriend’s gain. To recap, in 2016, she was 125 lbs and a size 4 (she’s 5’1”). Today, she’s a size 10/12 and 30+ pounds heavier. 

First of all, she was weighed a couple days ago, and she’s gained another 5 lbs in 2 months! That most certainly brings her up to 160, which I predicted in the last post. Not that the signs weren’t clear, however. Not only did the newly added weight visibly settle onto her butt, but I was present as burst through 2 of her remaining pairs of pants.

Furthermore, she got to talking the other day about her psychology around food. She used to be a very picky eater, for both medical reasons and personal preference. At the time, there were foods around which a big “No” was present. When those conditions lifted, suddenly everything was “Yes”, including cheeseburgers, ice cream, and so on. I’m interested to hear what you all think, but I thought this was some very interesting insight.

What’s still rather frustrating to me is her refusal to do anything to help herself. She busts through a pair of pants, and yet still wants get dessert. She gains 5 pounds, and yet refuses to walk more than necessary. Again, I don’t see her doing anything proactive whatsoever until sometime over the summer. In the meantime, she’s back to being convinced she has a thyroid problem - time will tell I suppose.

The other day, we were talking on the phone. She abruptly ended her train of thought at one point to comment that she had just caught herself rubbing her belly, and that she wasn’t sure what is was, but she liked it…!

Anyway, that’s all I got for now. Input, as always, is greatly appreciated.

I'm sure there's stuff I've forgotten to mention about her gain - If anyone has any questions, let 'em rip!

Till next time!

[blarg328]

Hey all!

It's been a number of months, so it's time for an update.

Since last time, my girlfriend and I moved in together. It's been a blast so far, and everyone's advice from earlier this year was really helpful - so, thanks!

In the 3 months since then, she's continued to gain weight - recently hitting the milestone of 170. That's 45 pounds of gain in 2-3 years at this point. 

She's also recently hit the point where her body can simply abosrb the weight unscathed. Beginning in late July, she started getting stretch marks on her belly. She already had them on her legs and hips, but those were a first for the area. Now's she's got dark red stretch marks all over her lower belly. She's also started complaining that she can't see her vagina anymore, and I've noticed the beginnings of a belly hang, even when not wearing pants. 

With that said, she still laments over her weight and changed figure, though still doesn't seem motivated to do anything about it, besides just talk. Since moving in together, for instance, I've come to notice just how often she overreats, to the point where she needs to lay down after. I still try to encourage her to be somewhat active, but mostly leave it alone these days.

It's all incredibly sexy, to say the least. She hasn't been overweight for very long, so it's gratifying to see before photos all over her social media and compare them to the full-figured beauty who sleeps next to me every night. 

This is all I've got off the top of my head. Any questions? Lay 'em on me!

 

[Garlic]

Is she fat yet?

[blarg328]

2 hours ago, Master WG said:

Is she fat yet?

I would say so, yeah! Definitely beyond the realm of chubby, for sure. She's 5'1", so 170lbs looks good on her. 

[Garlic]

8 hours ago, blarg328 said:

I would say so, yeah! Definitely beyond the realm of chubby, for sure. She's 5'1", so 170lbs looks good on her. 

That’s awesome. Try to fatten her up faster. Christmas is soon. Get her stuffed daily!

[BindsThatTie]

Keep her in pants that fit. Keep her comfortable. The moment she has a super uncomfortable day in her jeans or has to think about spending more money on new clothes, motivation for a diet can spring out of nowhere.

Obviously keep the house stocked but offer to run out for food at night – think of reasons why you need to run out for yourself so it seems like no big deal. If you need to pump gas, make sure you always bring up that you're stopping at the gas station and can easily pick up snacks/fast food. You'll get into the habit of holding off on your errand runs until night so you can support her binge eating. Girls love surprises/gifts. Coming home with surprise sushi or whatever when I return from running to the store at night melts my wife's heart.

Make sure you start putting it in words for her to identify; ie. referring to "your snack tonight" – it then "becomes a thing". It'll become ingrained that she always "snacks at night" or has another meal/treat at night – it's something you both should be "planning for". Something will seem off when she finally doesn't have it. Make this become a normal weekly thing and pretty soon she'll be greedily asking you to run out for whatever is delighting her fancy in the moment. 

The next step when nightly fast food runs and takeout becomes a thing is always adding something extra to the order that she didn't ask for. An extra side of garlic bread, guac & chips, an extra chicken nugget an extra sushi roll. At first you can say you wanted to share it/pick at it. If she loves it, buy that item next time and simply let her eat it all. As her belly expands, she'll just adopt that as part of her normal order.

And you can just keep that process going as your babe grows. Always reinforce that going through hoops to feed her is no big deal. She deserves this after her long day. Make her feel like a spoiled princess and that it's your pleasure to enjoy meals with her!

[Guest MX8XV93]

11 hours ago, BindsThatTie said:

Always reinforce that going through hoops to feed her is no big deal.

A very good point.  I can think of a few examples of women holding back on ordering extra food/asking for snacks to (in their minds) save me money or time, but if you sometimes do it without being prompted, then they learn that it really isn't a bother and order more food/ask you for snacks on an errand/ask you to make a snack run out of nowhere...

11 hours ago, BindsThatTie said:

Keep her in pants that fit. Keep her comfortable. The moment she has a super uncomfortable day in her jeans or has to think about spending more money on new clothes, motivation for a diet can spring out of nowhere.

Yes!  This is important.  Nice-looking leggings (and/or jeggings) are a major help here.

 

Also, as my screenname suggests, diet drinks (particularly aspartame) delay the feeling of fullness.  So if she's about to eat a snack but has, say, a Diet Coke first, chances are good that she'll eat more of that snack/eat for a longer period of time.  You might want to reveal your intent if you do this though, or at least tell her it will make her "more relaxed" about eating or something like that...

[GetThiccer]

I'd love to hear in detail about some of the physical changes she experiences now at 170 lbs (ie, adjusted walking style, decreased fitness levels, etc.) 

[blarg328]

Good question.

I met her after she'd already gained 25-30 pounds, so I can't speak as to whether all her fat girl tendencies were present to begin with or are new. 

That said, since I've met her, there have indeed been notable changes. 

First of all, I don't think there are many moments where she's not sweating, even in cool weather. Next, she complains about being increasingly tired, telling me that her body's mad at her for getting fat. Her appetite's also increased, with just 30 minutes ago, she had two breakfasts and then described herself as a glutton. This goes on top of the 6 pack of beer I watcher her put away last night. 

I haven't noticed too much regarding her walking style, but that may simply be a matter of time. I'm aware that her thighs touch way more than they did when we met in mid-2017. She used to be able to wear dresses without too much chafing. Now, she needs to wear sports shorts (ironic) under her clothes at all times. 

When it comes to general fitness, I'm not sure if she even had much to begin with. When we met, she said that she liked hiking, but in the intervening time, I haven't seen any indication or ability of that, past or present. During sex, though, she doesn't have the stamina really to go on top anymore, which was something she did a lot of, especially last year. She also avoids stairs and slopes at all possible costs. 

Other physical changes, as I mentioned, include stretch marks and a burgeoning belly. She can't see her vagina anymore, and when she weighs herself, asks me to read the number. 

I don't see any of these things improving for her anytime soon. She prides herself on her laziness. Ask me again in another 10 pounds and I'll probably have a lot more for you  

[Guest nankdatank]

On 11/2/2018 at 3:46 PM, blarg328 said:

Other physical changes, as I mentioned, include stretch marks and a burgeoning belly. She can't see her vagina anymore, and when she weighs herself, asks me to read the number.  

Wow, she must have quite the belly going on now for this to be the case! 

[John Smith]

Interesting.