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Sometimes the baby weight stays


oatmeal

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Thankfully taquitos are still on the menu and making their way into her stomach on most nights. She had enough will power to skip 4th meal two nights this week but undid that calorie savings friday & saturday night.

Friday she asked for four and when my daughter asked for some too i used that opportunity to heat up ten. My wife ate all but half of one alongside 6 oz of sour cream. Friday we had friends over and stayed up way to late drinking. On top of all the booze i heated up a whole package of taquitos and she easily ate 8. 

I tell her i like making her food at night because she does most of the cooking and i like to be able to do somthing for her. I think she knows thats bullshit but seems to humor me. Ive also been laying down compliments constantly so she knows how great i think she looks. Seems to help a little.

Shout out to @allgrownup for the smooth way to redirect all "i'm fat" comments. She has been brining up how fat she is alot recently and instead of saying she isnt fat i have been telling her i love her, think she is drop dead gourgous, and that she should be so hard on herself. Makes her feel better, i hope, and its hard for her to argue about being fat when i am tacitly agreeing with her.

Got a fitbit scale and i told her we should just make it a christmas present so that there are more packages under the tree. That should stave off any weigh ins that would discourage her from eatting her weight in mashed potatos at thanks giving and hopefully provide a christmas day weigh in the future.

@aspartamedoublesgains well she does love diet pepsi, maybe i should stock up.

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Sounds promising. Now just keep playing the long game. There's nowhere for her to go but up in weight. 

If you want to build on your chances, start cooking more, and do more groceries. Bread's on the list? Check which one has the highest calories. Ice cream? Get high calorie stuff. 

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You could have it for recipes https://cooking.nytimes.com/tag/heavy cream

Personally I'd go for whipping cream. It's only 5 calories less per tbsp but it makes much more "sense" to have it in the house. Just introduce it as something that tempts you; a bit of cream in your coffee...or a bit of whipped cream on your dessert. Once you do, she'll want some, and then you can scale back your own consumption. By that time it's normal that there's whipping cream in the house, and you can easily add it to recipes.

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@allgrownup sage advise as always. She loves whipped cream! I dont but ill figure something out.

Dilemma: i want to buy her some new clothes for christmas. She needs some that actually fit so she stops feeling down on herself in the mornings. 

Should i just get her more clothes in her current size or go a size up. Most things she wears are kind of tight already so she could use some room but i dont want to cause her to be upset. Also, she is kind of in between the largest normal size and smaller plus size. I see tons of cute plus clothes but im afraid she will spot the brand from a mile away and freak out about being plus sized aka fat.

The sizes she buys have gradually gone up as she has grown but she always buys them where they are already slightly uncomfortable, thinking she will lose weight. 

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On 11/23/2018 at 5:00 PM, oatmeal said:

Should i just get her more clothes in her current size or go a size up

Either get her a gift card or gift certificate to a clothes store, or make one yourself "Good for one day of shopping" Then let her make her own choices.

It's not necessarily a bad thing if she has clothes that are on the small side. It enables you to say "I love how you look" and touch her fat around a bit. From her side, it's a good indoctrination, for lack of a better word. You want her to grow accustomed to the realization she's fat -- and then teach her there's nothing wrong with that.

At one point, she will buy looser fitting clothes; and then you know you made a huge step forward to keeping her fat, and she has started to accept the reality that, yes, she is fat and, no, she isn't going to lose it any day soon.

Besides that, buying clothes (a rewardrobe) remains my way to disarm a lot of pushback. "Why diet for clothes? You look amazing -- let's just go buy other clothes"

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Finally got her to go through her pants draw and get rid of the jeans, pajamas and workout pants that dont fit anymore. She kept saying how sad it made her to see all her old clothes that dont fit anymore. I told they are just clothes and that we can get new better ones. 

She seemed down and talked about how a friend of ours, who gained 100 pounds with twins, had lost most of her baby weight. I reminded her how long it took her and how she was a stay at home mom with time for exercise. My wife dropped the baby weight plus more after our first. It was just her body getting messed up by getting pregnant so quickly the 2nd time. I mentioned tons of examples of moms who kept the baby weight plus more and how thats normal.

She seemed to feel a little better and mentioned getting more active after the new year. I told her i was down with whatever and that she looked great. She mentioned that realisticly she wasnt going to give up wine or good food.

I think she is slowly accepting her new fat body. She still doesnt love being "totally covered in fat" but she is a smart practical person who isnt vain. She knows it would take a massive effort to lose a significant amount of weight. She knows i think she looks amazing and as long as i keep her in clothes then she might as well surrender to the status quo.

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I think you are handling the situation quite well by comforting and reassuring her.

Your wife's contemplation of being more active some time in the future sounds rather unenthusiastic. I doubt any serious exercise will come from it. There seems to be some realism seeping into her reasoning, though, regarding her love of food and wine.

Passing - or should I say: having passed - the 200 pound barrier will pose a mental challenge once she'll be stepping on the scale after New Year's for the first time. With a bit of luck she'll have some pounds extra under her belt, so to speak. She will certainly diet down to 200 right then and there. But I predict some time next year those 200 pounds will become the new base.

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5 hours ago, oatmeal said:

I think she is slowly accepting her new fat body. She still doesnt love being "totally covered in fat" but she is a smart practical person who isnt vain. She knows it would take a massive effort to lose a significant amount of weight. She knows i think she looks amazing and as long as i keep her in clothes then she might as well surrender to the status quo.

So recognizable, this. 

Mine mentions surgery every now and then, but I point out how that's not a silver bullet; those people, too, have to stick to a diet -- for life. But it's that "I don't want to do this" attitude that keeps them fat, and us happy.

As you know, after working 1-2 years on where you are now, my wife all of a sudden actually started to negotiate about her weight; if 200 lbs was enough. So -- you're at the start of a beautiful journey of manipulation ;)

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15 hours ago, ronnie17de said:

I think you are handling the situation quite well by comforting and reassuring her.

Your wife's contemplation of being more active some time in the future sounds rather unenthusiastic. I doubt any serious exercise will come from it. There seems to be some realism seeping into her reasoning, though, regarding her love of food and wine.

Passing - or should I say: having passed - the 200 pound barrier will pose a mental challenge once she'll be stepping on the scale after New Year's for the first time. With a bit of luck she'll have some pounds extra under her belt, so to speak. She will certainly diet down to 200 right then and there. But I predict some time next year those 200 pounds will become the new base.

Yeah it was very half hearted. I dont think she really knows how anymore. Back in highschool she was active in dance but hasnt done much since. Sure she would run a mile on the treadmill or do a work out video once a month but nothing consistantly. Its the classic i need new cute work out gear or a new video/yoga mat/whatever before starting a new workout schdule. Once its bought it sits in the closet.

Despite owning a treadmill, she has used it three times in the past four years. I also suspect that she is so jiggly and woobly now thay public exersize would be uncomfortable. Not wanting your bits to jiggle keeps alot of people on the couch.

Hopefully the fitbit will encourage her to walk a little more, she was sore from walking up a hill , which although its kind of hot, is not good, and then reward herself if she makes her goal. Hey have a bowl of ice cream you got your 10,000 steps.

Im super excited for the posibility of a 200+ new years day. Hope i can handel it correctly so that 200 becomes the base weight instead of a start of some lame weight loss journey.

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15 hours ago, allgrownup said:

So recognizable, this. 

Mine mentions surgery every now and then, but I point out how that's not a silver bullet; those people, too, have to stick to a diet -- for life. But it's that "I don't want to do this" attitude that keeps them fat, and us happy.

Yeah thats my plan. Support her but remind her what an absolutly gruling slog of a process weight loss is. So much hard work and self denial, and for what? Lossing 20 pounds will take months of work and then what, your still fat just a little less so. 

Oh you want to lose 80? Thats going to take years and then at the end of the day nobody will care. Not like you are going to take up marathons or do anything you cant do now at your current weight. Your not missing out on anything by being this weight except maybe salads. No point in being skinny, esspecially if you cant enjoy food and wine.

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  • 2 weeks later...

So last night i played with her belly durring sex. I started kind of subtle but eventually put both my hands on her belly and gave a deep squeeze. I was expecting her to move my hand away but instead she put her free hand on mine and gave a squeeze. My first thought was "holy shit! Is she into this?"

I gave the rest of her body the attention it deserves but kept circling back to the belly and she seemed to enjoy it. It was amazing to really feel how soft and squishy her belly is and hot that she liked me touching it.

However, i could have misread her body language and maybe her putting her hand on mine was a cue to stop touching. Maybe she was just caught up in the moment and let me squeeze her chubby belly becuase she was on the verge. Who knows. Sure was fun though.

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On 12/11/2018 at 4:09 PM, oatmeal said:

So last night i played with her belly durring sex. I started kind of subtle but eventually put both my hands on her belly and gave a deep squeeze. I was expecting her to move my hand away but instead she put her free hand on mine and gave a squeeze. My first thought was "holy shit! Is she into this?"

NIce! Congrats!

I did a similar thing. It was after she was kind of used to me touching her here, there, and everywhere. When taking her from behind I let my hands go to the sides of her hanging belly. Eventually I was guiding her basically by holding her belly.

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  • 3 weeks later...

So i got a fitbit scale for christmas. Wife wouldnt let me see her weight but thanks to some clever advice i was abke to log into her account and see how much she weighed. 199 so close!

I was really hoping for 200 but 199 is great. The other cool part is i weigh 199 so we are the same weight even though i am a foot taller. I know the New Year will start with an atempt to diet but hopefully it will be short lived and unsuccessful. 

Oh and yesterday after a trip to the movies she pulled her shirt up to scratch her belly. She had those red imprints from her jeans being way to tight and complained about how itchy they were. Might be time for the next size up.

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So over the past few weeks she has mentioned how she isnt counting calories until 2019. So far she still hasnt started counting. Last night, after 8 pm, she had ramen, then six taquitos, followed by a slice of cheeze cake. She complained this morning about how upset her tummy was from the late night food and said i wasnt allowed to feed her at night.

Her new year's resolution is to lose 50 pounds but so far i am unaware what her action plan is. She wants to start drinking smoothies in the morning and eating less but idk how she thinks 50 pounds are going to melt off doing that. My hope is she keeps eating and dieting continues to be the thing she plans on doing in the future but never does. Any ideas of things to add to her smoothies that are "healthy" but calorie bombs?

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Guest nankdatank
5 hours ago, oatmeal said:

Any ideas of things to add to her smoothies that are "healthy" but calorie bombs?

Just sub the milk for heavy cream.  Done.

Other ingredients that are high calorie and can work depending on what flavours she likes:

Peanut butter

Chocolate

Icecream

Avocado

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On 1/2/2019 at 12:16 PM, oatmeal said:

Her new year's resolution is to lose 50 pounds but so far i am unaware what her action plan is. She wants to start drinking smoothies in the morning and eating less but idk how she thinks 50 pounds are going to melt off doing that. My hope is she keeps eating and dieting continues to be the thing she plans on doing in the future but never does. Any ideas of things to add to her smoothies that are "healthy" but calorie bombs?

Remember that a diet is not a loss. Especially if she wants to lose that much, that fast. A diet is the best predictor of weight gain. So if she diets, help her to really crash diet. Make her hungry. Then, every now and then, eat your own stuff. Just some chips....a little of this....little of that.... Don't even tempt her by suggesting she should have some :)

Smoothies by themselves can already be tremendously rich. I dont know why they think it's better. Maybe the same way some think organic food = diet food.

Get protein powder and meal replacement powder. You know, to "help"? Add meal replacement to the smoothie. 

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16 hours ago, allgrownup said:

Remember that a diet is not a loss. Especially if she wants to lose that much, that fast. A diet is the best predictor of weight gain. So if she diets, help her to really crash diet. Make her hungry. Then, every now and then, eat your own stuff. Just some chips....a little of this....little of that.... Don't even tempt her by suggesting she should have some 

A crash diet does sound effective but historically she doesnt crasg after dieting. When we did intermitant fasting she stuck to it for a week, cheated one day then reverted to normal diet, no binge. Low-key tempting her by eating is also hard as we dont snack on the same things. I could go all in and eat her food hoping she will join in and take over but i dont really want to gain weight myself, especially when she does a good job of gaining for both of us.

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So January has been interesting, lots of talk of losing weight and a few days of eating healthy / smaller portions. She even did a work out video sunday. She didnt make it all the way through and she is worried her resting heart rate is too high, low 80s. Ive been supportive of her getting more active but is sometimes cant resist tempting her with food.

She has kept her resolve, mostly, but the scale still says 199 lbs. She has called me out for liking fat girls alot and said she doesnt even want to be skinny, just down to 160. I reminded her she thought she was fat and 160 and even 120. I think she is beautiful and persuits of arbitrary numbers wont mske her feel better. She has to figure out how to love herself and ill think she is smoking hot regardless. 

Some days she seems set on losing and others embracing her body. She asked about getting her rings resized because her fingers are fat (embracing). Last night i held her belly and told her how much i like it. "Well thats because you like fat bellies" but then she placed her hand hand on top of mine as we drifted off to sleep. She clearly doesnt love her belly but seems ot be growing used to it.

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Quote

I reminded her she thought she was fat and 160 and even 120. I think she is beautiful and persuits of arbitrary numbers wont mske her feel better.

Good move. My wife has never been at a weight she liked, where she felt thin, or where she felt beautiful. So I just mention that, remind her about that.

Quote

Last night i held her belly and told her how much i like it. "Well thats because you like fat bellies" but then she placed her hand hand on top of mine as we drifted off to sleep. She clearly doesnt love her belly but seems ot be growing used to it.

"Some men like big breasts, even when a woman is conflicted about them. Others like small breasts, even if a woman feels insecure about it. Go figure. I just know you're so sexy to me and so beautiful"

You're making great progress!

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She has been working hard a eating less and making smart choices. No real scale progress, just some fluctuations between 197 - 199. Hopefully she will get frustrated soon and return to 3000 cal days as opposed to 2000. According to her fitbit she has a BMI of 33 and 43% body fat. Her lean mass is 111 which means she has 86 lbs of body fat. Lots of softness!

If she gained 25 pounds again this year, similar to last year, then she would be 50% body fat, perfectly balanced as it should be.

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Oh, that 50% fat is so nice. Mine has been there a bit the past year. Just a nice idea.

Besides the natural ways of sliding back, is there any way you can adjust her by boosting some calories? I've been feeding mine some SideKicks made with 2 cups of cream instead of water and milk. Helps to keep her puffy.

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