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satisfaction with slim women


Guest ranthrg

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Female weight gain is about 90% my sexuality and I've known for as long as I've known anything. About 10% is what might be called normal hetrosexuality. My lifestyle and values mean that romanticly, i'm attracted to slim athletic women. I was in a  wonderful relationships with a slim women for 4 years, but, in the end, it failed because I could not fully engage sexually with her and she had stopped feeling loved and the relationship started to fall apart. Eventually I told her about my fetish. Understandably she was deeply hurt and the relationship ended Though with a bit of space and time we have remained good friends.

I'm at a stage in my life where I really hope to find a life partner, but I can't imagine being in a happy relationship with a fat woman, but I can't achieve sexual fulfillment with a slim women. I have learnt to accept the way I am and I would comfortably discuss it with a potential partner in the hope of making a relationship work.

Has anyone out there been in this situation and made things work? 

 

 

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4 minutes ago, ranthrg said:

Female weight gain is about 90% my sexuality and I've known for as long as I've known anything. About 10% is what might be called normal hetrosexuality. My lifestyle and values mean that romanticly, i'm attracted to slim athletic women. I was in a  wonderful relationships with a slim women for 4 years, but, in the end, it failed because I could not fully engage sexually with her and she had stopped feeling loved and the relationship started to fall apart. Eventually I told her about my fetish. Understandably she was deeply hurt and the relationship ended Though with a bit of space and time we have remained good friends.

I'm at a stage in my life where I really hope to find a life partner, but I can't imagine being in a happy relationship with a fat woman, but I can't achieve sexual fulfillment with a slim women. I have learnt to accept the way I am and I would comfortably discuss it with a potential partner in the hope of making a relationship work.

Has anyone out there been in this situation and made things work? 

 

 

Do you ever considered that maybe the issue is not about struggling to find a lifelong match, but struggling to fully embrace your preferences while being a grown-up man in age to find a life partner?

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I've only dated slim women so I can't give any advice but I have experienced a similar line of thinking. You said you can't imagine being happy with a fat woman - do you just mean you wouldn't be happy dating a BBW who isn't into gaining, or that you just prefer chubby/thick girls? If you were dating a slim gainer, would you want her to stop gaining at a certain point or would be okay with her getting huge? I'd personally be content dating a chubby foodie even if she wasn't into gaining.

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You said you can't imagine being happy with a fat woman -

I mean, I'm physically very active and adventurous. My happiness depends on me being so. Most of my friends are too and most are in relationships with people with whom they can share their active lifestyle and adventures and be sexually fulfilled.

I can't have all those things, that's just the way it is. I've compromised for years by being alone, but I'm kind of over it. I feel that compromising my sexuality, by being with a slim girl would be preferable to compromising my lifestyle by being with a fat girl. But I wonder if I could ever satisfy a slim girl...

 

 

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Not trying to be a Captain Obvious but nobody can honestly help with all of one's concerns but I will just suggest this. Find someone who has a personality that matches with you there are plenty of people out there thick, thin, plump, scrawny that have a heart of gold. Honestly, IDK about you but if you can find someone that can match both of your desires it maybe a unicorn.

Also, one thing about growing up is realizing that you have to give up on some of your wants because nothing comes your way 100% how you want it just compromise and personally as a guy that will be something that will never leave you. (the old saying "she is always right, even if I'm right")

I've come to terms with the grim fact nobody stays young forever, since the age of 12. So honestly finding someone for only sex is setting yourself up for failure in my option, I mean this in the nicest of ways (I'm a straight shooter). I am looking for someone who will like me for me and I will accept them for who they thick or thin, Gainer or not even if I do like soft girls too.

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I dont understand how these could be incompatible, can you elaborate for me?

Personally, I am very concerned with my health, I work out, I weight lift, jog an hour a day and spend a lot of time calculating macros etc, then when its time to be sexy with my bf I gorge on cakes.
Not all fat women are lazy or dont care about their cardiovascular health. I have super healthy blood pressure etc

Maybe im missing the point youre trying to make
Just curious

thanks in advance
 

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7 minutes ago, holdhands247 said:

Not trying to be a Captain Obvious but nobody can honestly help with all of one's concerns but I will just suggest this. Find someone who has a personality that matches with you there are plenty of people out there thick, think, plum, scrawny that have a heart of gold. honestly IDK about you but you can find someone that can match both of your desires it maybe a unicorn.

Also one thing about growing up is realizing that you have to give up on some of your wants because nothing comes your way 100% how you want it just compromise and personally as a guy that will be something that will never leave you. (the old saying "she is always right, even if I'm right")

I've come to terms with the grim fact nobody stays young forever since the age of 12 so honestly finding someone for only sex is setting yourself up for failure in my option, I mean this in the nicest of ways (I'm a straight shooter). I am looking for someone who will like me for me and I will accept them for who they thick or thin, Gainer or not even if I do like soft girls too.

I learned the hard way that choosing someone whose perfect in every way except that he doesnt want to have sex with you is a recipe for disaster, I have I guess a pretty cool personality, I like to make a lot of jokes and Im politically aware. As a result, I have a long history of men who wanted to date me, but were 'overlooking' my body size, as opposed to actually attracted to it.

Like op's x gf, only the opposite because Ive always been chubby or fat.

It was miserable for me, I was depressed and felt unsexy and ugly. I grew extremely depressed in these relationships.

Its important to have both!
 

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@Violet Beauregarde I am sorry to hear that, I used to be overweight back in elementary school, no joke it was 150lb in 4th grade, I was teased a bullied but I had a classmate that would always be there she would say that not to worry about it because I'm a nice guy so don't worry what those bullies say.

I latter moved down south to Atlanta and I never forgot how nice she was and that is why I value personality over looks she was kind to me because of me not how I look. I struggled though out middle school here in Georgia but then during high school I hit a hit puberty and got taller and I was working out because of sports and girls would talk to me after I had "improved"

I only workout because I enjoy it, that doesn't mean that I have to impose my hobbies on someone else. you sound like a very levelheaded cool person so you get a 10/10 for that

it's important to have both intimate relationships yes I agree but what I mean to say is me I personally( I believe that if you get together with someone just for sex I feel its wrong, but if you have someone who has a great personality and isn't very intimate with you it could mean that they are shy about asking, as a guy that is my concern I don't like being pushy)

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2 minutes ago, Violet Beauregarde said:

I learned the hard way that choosing someone whose perfect in every way except that he doesnt want to have sex with you is a recipe for disaster, I have I guess a pretty cool personality, I like to make a lot of jokes and Im politically aware. As a result, I have a long history of men who wanted to date me, but were 'overlooking' my body size, as opposed to actually attracted to it.

Like op's x gf, only the opposite because Ive always been chubby or fat.

It was miserable for me, I was depressed and felt unsexy and ugly. I grew extremely depressed in these relationships.

Its important to have both!
 

 

8 minutes ago, Violet Beauregarde said:

I dont understand how these could be incompatible, can you elaborate for me?

Personally, I am very concerned with my health, I work out, I weight lift, jog an hour a day and spend a lot of time calculating macros etc, then when its time to be sexy with my bf I gorge on cakes.
Not all fat women are lazy or dont care about their cardiovascular health. I have super healthy blood pressure etc

Maybe im missing the point youre trying to make
Just curious

thanks in advance
 

Yes, I'm not saying fat and healthy are incompatible. This will probably come across as arrogant, but I operate at a very high level at a sport for which low body fat is requisite. my life revolves around it and I love it. I'm very lucky in that respect. The problem is that I've just turned down a really wonderful girl who shares my lifestyle and fulfills the small part of my sexuality that is normal hetrosexual because I don't think I can satisfy her because of my fetish dominates my sexuality.

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2 minutes ago, ranthrg said:

 

Yes, I'm not saying fat and healthy are incompatible. This will probably come across as arrogant, but I operate at a very high level at a sport for which low body fat is requisite. my life revolves around it and I love it. I'm very lucky in that respect. The problem is that I've just turned down a really wonderful girl who shares my lifestyle and fulfills the small part of my sexuality that is normal hetrosexual because I don't think I can satisfy her because of my fetish dominates my sexuality.

no its not arrogant at all, I used to be more into sports and I understand but im curious why you think you cant date love, cherish a fat woman because of your work?

I think someone else in this thread hit the nail on the head maybe when they said you are still coming to terms with your fetish, with feeling confident about it.
 

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1 hour ago, ranthrg said:

I mean, I'm physically very active and adventurous. My happiness depends on me being so. Most of my friends are too and most are in relationships with people with whom they can share their active lifestyle and adventures and be sexually fulfilled.

There are a lot of gainers who want to stay active/fit and don't want to gain a significant amount of weight so don't lose hope=)

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7 minutes ago, Violet Beauregarde said:

no its not arrogant at all, I used to be more into sports and I understand but im curious why you think you cant date love, cherish a fat woman because of your work?

I think someone else in this thread hit the nail on the head maybe when they said you are still coming to terms with your fetish, with feeling confident about it.
 

I've fully come to terms with my fetish over the years - I talk openly about it from time to time and I could love and cherish a fat woman, but I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it - to be in a sexual relationship with a girl who shares my lifestyle. But It's hard to accept that that will never work.....

thanks for the chat

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3 hours ago, ranthrg said:

Yes. And I've come to the deeply uncomfortable conclusion that my romantic and sexual desires are incompatible.

 

You sure do need to do some more soul searching then.

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Guest Vladimir Putin

Are you saying you're not sexually attracted to those athletic girls? Then why do you say you're "romantically" attracted to them? Why can'y you get romantically attached to a bigger girl who turns you on?

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On 9/22/2018 at 12:39 PM, Vladimir Putin said:

Are you saying you're not sexually attracted to those athletic girls? Then why do you say you're "romantically" attracted to them? Why can't you get romantically attached to a bigger girl who turns you on?

 

yah I find this really confusing 
sure maybe a fat girl can't keep up athletically in terms of speed or longevity but as I pointed out about myself some of us ARE athletic and enjoy leading an active lifestyle with healthy foods and healthy choices at least a lot of the time. No reason he cant find a fat girl he wants to have sex with who also will go on bike rides and play sports with (I kicked my normal sized bf's butt in basketball a few weeks ago) and go on hikes and make lots of healthy foods together.

 but OP didn't elaborate on what he meant when he said 'lifestyle compatible' presumably the only difference between me and fit girls is that I allow myself to eat big helpings, seconds, and dessert way more often than they allow themselves.

I think he'd be ashamed to be seen with a fat girl around his normie friends and family but doesn't wanna sound rude to say it out loud and offend anyone
 - just my guess I could be wrong -

Personally, I'm not offended, I get it.
People are VERY JUDGMENTAL about this sort of thing.
My x husband was a very handsome man, people sometimes asked him for his autograph thinking he was Ashton Kutcher.
I weighed about 350lbs at the time.
We did get weird looks everywhere we went.
I remember him expressing being really uncomfortable with the idea that his dad would be judging him for being with a fat girl.

You gotta do what makes you happy. if that means being accepted by your peers at the sacrifice of a satisfying sexual and romantic partnership with a woman, then so be it.
Only you can decide your own priorities.













 

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I've been an extremely promiscuous guy in the past and I find both fat and slim women attractive. The problem is that I would find a slim woman hot for one night only, whereas I would find a fat woman attractive again and again. I could form a relationship with a fat woman because we would have great sexual chemistry but I couldn't do this with a slim woman.

Its a bit of a shame because I met some pretty and intelligent women who happened to be slim and If I had normal tastes in women I would have had a great relationship with them. 

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looks like you need to find the right fat woman, because a healthy relationship involves a bit of everything, not just a traditional good look, passion, desire, sex, conversation, and or... a slim lady with some tendency to gain weight, that could also work. or some role play, feeding, gaining during the holidays or something like that.

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Jesus fuck, can't you just go for whatever sports you are doing and take your hypothetical girl along as company? To cheer you, provide company when you're tired and regenerating? Whatever? And on other days you can participate in whatever she is interested in? Like, a bit of a fucking compromise?

If you can't do that, then suffer with whatever option you choose, just don't make the girl suffer too.

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To each their own, but tbh, I feel like your expectations are really high. And I feel like, it could be that maybe, and it could be psychoanalyzing here, but I feel like maybe you're making a lot of excuses because while you say you have accepted this fetish and such, maybe you're scared of someone seeing through that and having a girl accept that? Or perhaps you might be feeling an internalized stigma of being with a larger woman despite having been able to openly talk about it? Because talking about something is one thing, doing it is another.

Anther thing to point out is that You can certainly find a larger woman to be with that enjoys sports and the like, and as @scissortooth mentioned, you can find a girl who is able to cheer you on and be with you at events. Because the truth of the matter here is that no matter what, all couples go through periods where their sexual libidos and hobbies, lifestyles will not match. You will not always find someone who shares 100% everything you're into, and as you get older, you will wind up going through changes with what you want out of sex and the like. Same thing goes into the romantic/activities aspect. What if the girl you're with wants you to join her in knitting? You may not be into it, but perhaps for her she might be comfortable in wanting you to just sit in the room with her, doing your own activity, but still be able to provide feedback into what she's creating. 

I'm also not saying that having a fetish is bad, however if it does interfere with your relationships, it might be good to understand why it does to see if there's a way to work through that so you are able to see if there's some way you can find a compromise within your own life that would allow you to either be with a larger girl who's active, or a thinner girl who's active and can indulge in the fetish. 

Relationships are about compromise, and that's fine if you don't want to rethink the standards you have, but it will wind up with you back in this position many many times. 

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