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How does one overcome the 'social stigma' aspect


brookiecookie

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I'm honestly curious how some people deal with this.  I've liked bigger women all my life (wlw all the way lol), and have even often found myself fantasizing what I would look like larger and how awesome it would feel to have some squish.  Every single time I try to put on a few, I start feeling guilty and lose it again.  I get super self conscious of what others would say, how I'd be treated, the struggle of clothes shopping as a big girl, etc.  It doesn't help that I always hover between 135 and 140 and have people constantly telling me that they wish they had my figure 😕 ... makes me feel nice and gaining would end those comments pretty quick (who doesn't like a compliment lol)

For the girls who've said fuck it, and just ran with it, how?  And what was it like?

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Guest Vladimir Putin

I'm sure some girls get a kick out of the comments they get when they're gaining, which is a positive reinforcement.

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Not knowing your particular situation, I hope you will forgive me for generalizing, but the stigma will be less-bad than you are imagining. By way of example, my wife has put on almost 100 pounds in the years we have been together. There are times when it is difficult for her: the occasional breakdown because she’s outgrown all her clothes, or maybe a lecture from the doctor will rattle her. Apart from that, the people who loved her don’t love her less for being fat. If they did though, I’m sure she would not be super interested in maintaining a relationship with such shallow people. Being in a loving, long-term relationship helped too, as friends and family worried less about her being “too fat to find someone”. The one time an ex-boyfriend did give her grief about getting fat, she pinned it (fairly) on me, and that was the end of it.

Sometimes I read stories about people facing discrimination at work for their weight. The “fat=lazy” prejudice remains popular, even when half the population is overweight. You may need to consider any potential weight gain in light of your current job and future goals, but this at least hasn’t been an issue with my wife’s bosses. 

If getting fat is something you want to experience for yourself (i.e. it’s your own wish and not your partner’s), you should go for it. As you have already demonstrated, weight can be lost if it turns out to be too much to handle. Good luck!

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Even though I'm a guy, I will answer for my ex, who was a gainer for the two years we were together.

She was exceptionally confident and popular as a waif, and she was totally up front with people about eating more and gaining weight. She is not the sort of person who lacks for confidence, in fact sometimes she goes overboard with it. But that's the way some people who stupid goodlooking are. 

Anyway, she wasn't shy about the new fat, even put her bare thigh up on a chair at a party once and said "Look how big they're getting" and she got a "Wow!" from the assemblage. 

The only thing she didn't like about getting fat was cellulite and stretch marks, and blowing out the thighs of her favorite jeans. 

Now we are broken up 4 years and she is back to waif. She still loves food but has embraced a total health-conscious lifestyle, vegan, quit smoking, yoga, the works. 

I still have the fat pics, though...nice while it lasted! 

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17 hours ago, extra_m13 said:

i think that never goes 100% away... there is always some insecurities related to that,new comments and so on

This. There's a reason half the online gainers here randomly disappear and delete their accounts/photos. And these girls were confident about sharing their weight and we're receiving massive amounts of encouragement. Imagine the struggles of just a normal girl. My wife deals with it well, but there are those moments where she feels like she doesn't recognize herself, usually when seeing photos with her girlfriends or skinny coworkers – she's now the one and only massive blimp in the photo. Depending on her mood, those can make her confidence go sideways.

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Guest amethyst_icecream

I can relate. I've fantasized about putting on weight and being bigger since I was a child. I was at my heaviest in middle school, in part because of my weight gain fantasies, cookies after school and stuffing myself with ice cream, but also thanks (but no thanks - I hated it!) to football and the weight room. However, I've hovered between 130-134 for most of my life. During a tumultuous period of college (too much alcohol, too little sleep, stress eating) I gained some weight. Out and about I was super self-conscious and tried to hide it. But when no one was around I was always playing with my fat. I snapped photos of my belly and saw that it had never looked so soft and pudgy. I was thrilled and aroused. I dressed and posed to make myself look as curvy as possible. The extra bit of weight made me feel feminine and sexy (this was during my "I feel like a lesbian in a man's body" phase and well before I realized I was trans {I only bring it up because you've been open about being trans in previous posts!}), but also super conscious of criticism (I have one friend who never failed to point it out). So I simultaneously hated it and loved it... [Still, I kind of wanted to gain weight, but only if it made my body more feminine, which freaked me out because I was a guy.] Anyhow, I backpacked around the mountains the following summer and lost all of the weight.

As for the girls who just said fuck and ran with it... Well, I think most of them start slow. They gain a few pounds to see how it feels. If they like the way it feels, they keep going. It's not like you have to either remain the same or gain 100 pounds. Even those who do gain 100 lbs, it was still only one pound at a time. (If you’re anything like me, there’s also the fear that you’ll enjoy it too much. You say, “Okay, I’ll just try putting on ten pounds.” Then you end up loving it so much that 100 pounds later… And you’re terrified of being fat. I’m not going to lie: I have my fair share of internalized fatphobia...). Just remember that it isn’t really like this. You don’t have to be slender or fat. There’s also thick, curvy, chubby, etc.

It might help to find role models and bigger women you admire. Follow plus size and body positive women on social media and blogs. There are tons of big girls out there who are totally killing it! There's less stigma now than ever. Thick is in, girl. If you want to grow your curves, there's never been a better time to do it!

You don't have to be thin to be beautiful. You don't have to be thin to be sexy. You don't have to be thin to enjoy life, have fun, have friends, find love. You don't have to be thin to be happy. Plenty of women in this world have gained weight, most of them unintentionally. Plenty of women are much heavier now than they used to be, but that hasn't stopped them from loving life and their bodies. Think about it: millions of women have come to love their bodies, have come to embrace and enjoy being big, without ever even wanting to be big. They move around in the world, have jobs, have friends, get married and live life regardless of their weight. Plus, being big doesn’t mean that everyone will stop finding you attractive or admiring your figure. You’ll be exchanging one group’s approval for another’s.

Many women are surprised to find themselves happier after gaining weight. It isn’t because of the weight itself, but because gaining weight forced them to stop giving a fuck about trying to fit a certain image or about how other people perceive them. They learn to love themselves for themselves, to define their own sense of worth and not let it be defined by others. Not that it’s easy for them. It’s often a daily struggle to love and accept yourself. You have to build strength, faith and confidence.

I'm not telling you that you should gain weight. I’m saying that if it’s something you genuinely want to do, you should go for it. If you think it will bring you joy or happiness, follow that. If, on the other hand, you think you’ll be happier remaining slim, then do that. What matters more to you? The pleasure of being big or the regard and compliments of other. One is not more real or legitimate than the other. There’s no shame in caring about what others think. There’s also no shame in loving yourself or your body, whether it’s fat or thin. Other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. Only your own personal concerns matter. Ultimately, it’s your life and in the end, it’s your body, your choice.

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23 hours ago, extra_m13 said:

i think that never goes 100% away... there is always some insecurities related to that,new comments and so on

This, I guess it'll always be there... I was hoping one day there might be an IDGAF attitude, but I guess not 😕  I have been experimenting... gone from low 120s to mid 140s, and I love what I see so far.  Just always worried to get that friend/family member say "you're getting really fat" as a negative :( 

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Guest nankdatank
12 hours ago, Brooke360 said:

This, I guess it'll always be there... I was hoping one day there might be an IDGAF attitude, but I guess not 😕  I have been experimenting... gone from low 120s to mid 140s, and I love what I see so far.  Just always worried to get that friend/family member say "you're getting really fat" as a negative :( 

Hi Brooke,

I can almost guarantee that might happen and hurt a lot the first time it happens but after that you will brush it off like whatever!

Life moves on, friends and family get used to it and everyone moves on. You are happier than ever in your sexy fat body and it’s happily ever after.

Trust me my super stick skinny wife of 8 years has gained nearly 50 lbs over that time and now enjoys finding her own fat sexy curves, despite what a small part of society may think. Remember most people are overweight these days so you’re actually joint the majority.

Sit back and enjoy it.Dont get so caught up In the moment and just enjoy getting fat.

All the best.

H

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Well, I was slowly gaining with my girlfriend and decided after posting this to see what the scale says... we started seeing each other in June, I was 130. This morning I’m 151 hahahaha... I told her last night I’m gonna give it a whirl and keep going as long as I’m comfortable lol.

As a FA herself, Lets just say she was pleased lol

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I helped one woman talk to her mother about gaining. It occurs to me some of that advice might apply to your situation: Letter from Amanda.

The key thing is don't apologize for your weight or your gain or your appetite or promise to lose weight. If people really want to lecture you about it, agree to listen to one lecture if they agree not to nag about about it afterwards.

The more confident you are about your choice the less people will be able to guilt trip you and the less likely it is that they'll even try.

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So much is tied to your personal environment. My wife just changed jobs and she used to work on a team with some 300lb coworkers. They would drag her out to lunch – tons of encouragement to overeat and snack. They were all gaining faster than her. Everything was care free – gave her the corporate card to bring in donuts every week. She always felt great about her figure. If her weight gain ever came up she would often remark "you should see Brandy, Carol and Rob! They have gotten absolutely massive!"

Now she's on a team with all young stick women. She feels like a total blimp and now is the only obligatory "fat girl" in the department. She sometimes feels the pressure that they look at her as a "lazy" worker or someone who just "doesn't have it together". She ate her Wendy's in her car because she didn't want to bring it back and pig out in front of them. Sad times, y'all.  : /

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