badger

You, can, do it! Just unbutton those pants and lean back in the seat a little, give that growing belly a good rub and imagine the extra calories sticking to your pooch as you cram each one in your mouth.

Fan f*cking tastic tubby. Can't believe you've let yourself go so much. The problem is, that's not nearly enough and you need to make it impossible to get into those sports shorts. I'd say with some Krispy Creme for breakfast and McDonalds for lunch and dinner you'd be achieving your goal in no time.