Anonandscared

Okay, so I get for some of you that 'I ate the food myself' is a valid excuse. After all, is that not in its own way consent? Except I was being given gifts. Little extras were being put on my plate. These were (in my mind) acts of affection and love. Who gets given a bar of chocolate from their partner as a gift and throws it out? Or says 'nope, I don't want this present'? There is coercion here, because he hid the food under acts of love so I would feel pressured to comply. Trust me - I didn't want a lot of the things he brought me, but I still smiled and ate them because I loved him and he was (I thought) trying to do something to make me happy. Also, FYI about the not exercising enough - I sadly got a very serious/almost terminal illness, which meant I was bedbound for a while. Prior, I worked as a waitress and was constantly moving at speed for 8 hours a day, however we didn't know I was sick, and it was preventing any weight loss. Finally, every time I tried to diet/restrict my food he would encourage me to break it. And Yes, again you may say where is my own willpower, but if someone you love isn' supporting you - in fact is actively discouraging you - then it's much harder to be determined - esp when you don't seem to be losing weight anyway. Perhaps background context helps, perhaps it doesn't. The fact is for 5 years he lied to me. For 5 years I gained weight. I want to be thin, he wanted me fat. And I know where I ended up. Also, I've lost 1 and a half stone since he left, something I could never do when he was here. I think that is a testament to it all anyway.

I mean, I wish I could even say I begin to understand where you are coming from. It is my body. I felt I had not consented. I felt he did not recognise that my body is mine and not his. That I should have a choice over what I do with my body should go without question. So yes, consent and autonomy are vitally important in any relationship. You do not get to use my body sexually without my permission or understanding.

Guys, final update for you all. Firstly, I have managed to eat a bit of toast. It's not much, but it is progress. Secondly, I have taken advice from all of you, and from close friends. I decided his actions were abusive, although he may not see it that way. A good analogy was one my friend came up with - an act of grooming. I liked the attention and the gifts, but had no idea that there was a sexual element inherent to them, much like a child will accept toys and praise without realising something more sinister is happening (FYI I do not think BBW or feeder/feedee is anything even remotely similar to child abuse - it is simply that this analogy works in this context). Finally, I spoke to my ex. He is not sexually interested in my daughter or any child (a massive relief), and has never tried to hide extra sugar in my tea or powders in my food etc (another worry I had). He believed that providing me with food I liked meant that it was okay to be sexually aroused by it's consumption, because it wasn't being forced on me (I could say no at any time). Once I explained using the grooming analogy, I think it became more clear to him that I could never consent to something I didn't know was happening. Furthermore, he admitted that he knew it was something I wouldn't consent to if he did tell me, and so did it anyway but hid it behind these acts of supposed kindness. We have split up, but he has agreed to seek counselling as he understands his negative behaviour. I have told him that if he can learn not to be ashamed of his fetish and embrace who he is, he may find that these manipulative selfish behaviours also become absolved in the process. Extra Finally, I told him if I really see him put in work to change his behaviour and rectify his negative patterns, then we may be able to work through things - however I will always be in charge of my own bodily autonomy. But he may also decide to move on and find a larger woman with a wonderful personality who makes him happy and consents to a feeder/feedee relationship. In which case I wish him the best in accepting who he is. This has been one hell of a journey. I did not even know the term feeder this time last week, and now I've read every psychological article, visited every web page and forum, and spoken to some wonderful and understanding people- including you wonderful folks. I want to tell you all just how much I appreciate each one of you for helping me through such a hard time. You're all such wonderful people I almost feel sad to be leaving, but I like my partners male and my body skinny, so I don't think this site is for me unfortunately! Thank you all once again for your kindness. Much Love, AnonandStrong ❤💪

Thanks - Sorry it must have sounded like I was being judging there - I really was just asking an honest question because I was wondering if I was thin and stated thin, could my ex ever be happy or would he be closing off a part of his identity. Didn't mean to cause any offence, sorry.

Don' worry, I really don't. Love who you want. It's not his love of larger women that has upset me. Indeed, even if his feederism had remained a fantasy and limited to pornographic content, I would have been fine. He said he was into stomachs - I thought about how I could incorporate into the bedroom. He said he liked seeing women eating to excess - I started to think about how I could do it without compromising my own health and body acceptance. But when I found out he was already feeding me without my consent, I had to draw the line, because that is controlling behaviour. I also have a 13 year old daughter (8 when I met my partner) and part of me worries he was doing it to her as well. I'm sickened by the thought, but I know on regular occasions he would encourage her to eat 'just a little more'. It makes me shudder.

If she didn't gain weight, would you have left her? My (ex)partner want just like women 'a little thicker', he likes women of about 600lbs. He said he would never want me to get that big, but I' already 3st heavier than before and that was done without my consent. Now I've asked him to leave, I also realised he controlled all the money and my social life. I'm sorry, because I'm sure admitting to a fetish must be incredibly difficult, but from my perspective it just feels like 5 years of abuse, coercion and betrayal.

Thanks, because you are helping me understand it better. Can I ask of your girlfriend is aware of your fetish though? Because in that case, she has the option of consenting. I was never given that option. It's been 4 days since I had anything that isn't water because I feel like my body has been taken advantage of and now all food would be like going back to that feeling.

I told him all this. I have confronted him completely and I think you are right in that these two things have clashed. Unfortunately, it appears his sexual needs took priority over his love for me. Instead of loving me enough to trust me, he used me for non consensual sexual activity which has had a negative physical and psychological impact.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for your responses. I can assure you that, despite my shock, I greeted his revelation of a feeding fetish with nothing but support, love, and understanding. However, it was revealed to me that he was intentionally feeding me extra food. His kink appears to be the 'I really shouldn't eat this but I want it so I will' feeling. So he would add extra biscuits to my plate knowing I wouldn't put them back in a packet, or purposely buy food in which I felt I had little control in eating -'moreish' foods. The real issue here (apart from the obvious non-consent) is that I have developed an eating disorder in relation to this. I go through periods of bingeing followed by restriction - as I am writing this, it has been two days since I have eaten. Indeed, at one point during our relationship, I was so upset about my size I was suicidal. I was in tears, I told him I couldn't even bear to look at myself in the mirror anymore, and I refused to be naked around him (even to change). He continued to secretly feed me and receive sexual satisfaction from doing it. I have asked him to leave - not because of the fetish which, while I couldn't consent to engaging in I could accept it was part of his identity - but because the secret feeding despite my mental decline tells me that his fetish was more important to him than my health. I feel disgusted in my own skin, I feel used and betrayed, and most importantly, I feel heartbroken. All the little things he brought me to show me how much he cared, all the dinners he cooked and takeaways he got 'just because'- it was all about him fulfilling a sexual need, not about appreciating me or loving me. I'm sure many in this community are nice people (indeed, everyone online here has been incredibly helpful), I cannot help feeling that in my partners case, his control of my diet and size, his lies and manipulation, and his complete disregard for my physical and mental health point to this being an abusive relationship, rather than a loving one. I could accept the fetish, I could agree to incorporate it into our sex lives in a consensual way, but I cannot be with anyone that would harm me to make themselves feel good. Thank you all again for your help, and I hope you all continue to love who you want, how you want - CONSENTUALLY. ❤

My partner and I have been together for nearly 5 years, and we just got engaged a few months ago. Suddenly I've discovered that he has a fat 'feeder' fetish. He told me he' always known he felt that way, and that he writes erotic fiction about feeding women and then getting bigger. He even showed me a model he likes - I was shocked because she is nearly 600lbs! All this information came out of nowhere (there have been no signs). It only came out because he panicked when I accessed his online device and deleted a load of stuff Which, for me having a young child, meant I became incredibly worried and so it all was revealed. I have a mix of feelings. I'm incredibly hurt that he never told me before - it almost feels like I don't know this man who I've been with for so long. I'm also confused, as when we met I was a size 8 (very thin). I've since put on nearly 3 stone, and I'm scared that he has been feeding me without me noticing (he constantly brings me sweets and food and overfills my plate). I can't decide if I have been manipulated or not, I can't work out why he went out with me in the first place, and now I'm terrified I will marry a man I don't really know. What if he's never truly happy with me (I've read that feeders are never satisfied and I am health conscious - not to cause offence to those on here, I want to stress that the weight I personally have gained on my body has not been managed healthily - so already I feel like crap for even being this size. He says he loves me. I want to understand and be accepting. He isn't asking me to gain weight for him, indeed I've explained that I wouldn't be comfortable with it and he understands. But can a feeder fetishist ever truly be happy with a thin woman? Or will this cause serious issues further down the line? Please help me. I don't know where else to turn and my marriage and my family depend on me being able to understand this fetish better. (Things I do know: he isn't into squashing or forced feeding. All the photos he has are of clothed women or in their underwear, and the fiction he writes is all about feeding women and them getting bigger, and he likes stomachs)